Masturbating doesn't feel like anything, and neither does what I'm presuming is orgasm?

[forestcreacher]

Hi there! I'm aroace which is probably part of the reason behind this but... well, as the title says, masturbating doesn't feel like much. It doesn't feel bad, or good, it's just sort of tingly lol. I really want to enjoy sexual arousal and know what it's like, but although I can get aroused, it just doesn't feel like anything! Same goes for orgasm- I'm not sure if it actually is orgasm, granted it's only happened... once, maybe twice. If it matters at all, both times it was less a release as far as I could tell and more just things getting more intense for around a minute before going back to feeling like very little despite continued stimulation (of my clit only, because no other part feels like anything at all).

So, does anyone know what this might be, or what I can do about it? My body wants me to masturbate every now and then, and I do, it's just either frustrating because nothing happens, or what happens is just a physiological response with nothing emotional or pleasurable. I want to be able to experience arousal + pleasure but at the moment it's just one. Another thing that may be worth mentioning is that I do have mental health issues, primarily anxiety and depression, and I've read that those can impact sexual function- it just doesn't seem particularly likely to me.

Thanks for any advice!

[mikky]

Hey forestcreacher! Welcome!

We get this kind of question a lot. Masturbation, and learning what we like and what feels good to us, can be kind of a journey. It can take some curiosity, experimentation, and adjustment to figure out what feels good. It sounds like you’ve done some exploration of body parts already and have hit a point of frustration.
I do think learning some more about sexual response and orgasm might be helpful for you:
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

Can I ask why your anxiety and depression don’t feel likely related to this for you? What does pleasure in general look like for you? What makes you feel good in your body, brain, and life?

[forestcreacher]

Hi there! Sorry for the late reply lol- I don't think my mental health is a factor because it doesn't come into play while masturbating. I'm not actively anxious or worrying while masturbating, although that doesn't mean that I'm subconsciously being affected by it.

Thanks for the link! I feel like I have most of the phases except maybe orgasm- still not sure if what I have experienced is one or isn't, but that's moot- but they don't feel extraordinarily pleasurable compared to, say, reading a really satisfying part of a story, or sprinting full speed. The physical sensations are there, they're just not accompanied by enjoyment like people tend to have. It's just something my body occasionally wants, and even then the signal is weak.

Pleasure in general I find comes from a few sources. I enjoy reading and writing fantasy, and I also love learning about new things, running really fast, and talking to people about things I'm interested in. All of those I would rank as more pleasurable than sexual pleasure, because I derive active joy from them, while sexual stuff is more a physical thing than an emotional one.

[Straif]

Hi ForestCreacher,

I want to chime in because I think there are two possibilities to explore. Let's get the first one out of the way: yes, it is possible that you haven't experienced orgasm, but I agree it wouldn't be useful to get too hung up on it. I'm glad you found our article on sexual response and orgasm helpful, and you might also find some good stuff in this advice column:

What to do When the Big O is a No Show

The other possibility is (as it seems you've already surmised) that you don't get as much pleasure out of the physical sensations of masturbation because there isn't the emotional or intellectual stimulation you glean from other activities you find pleasurable. You mention that you love reading and writing fantasy, which tells me you have a healthy imagination. Do you let that imagination out to play when you masturbate? Many folks find fantasizing helpful while masturbating (with or without the assistance of sexual media). Even if it's something you're already doing, you might find yourself inspired by a few of our articles on the subject:

Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

Yield for Pleasure

Ten Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self at Any Age

As with anything, your mileage may vary, but feel free to give those a read and let us know how it lands.