Shame and confusion around my fetish

[vilumm]

For as long as I can remember I've had a fart fetish and I really don't know how to feel about this anymore.. It brings me alot of shame and indulging in it (watching porn) only leaves me feeling worse.

I have tried coming off porn since I thought that might be the issue, and have been off it for about a week now but the withdrawal symptoms have been so bad and I'm starting to have fantasies of this fetish that I'm just trying to suppress it but it's not helping.

I can't even tell if I enjoy this fetish anymore of it's just a compulsion of sorts and it's causing me so much stress and making me feel terrible because I'm just so confused and don't know what to do.

I'd really appreciate any help at all because I'm too embarrassed to speak to this about anyone else, thank you.

[char]

Hi vilumm, welcome to the boards I appreciate you sharing your story here, and I can see how you've found it challenging to deal with your sexual fantasies. It's unfortunate that our society has framed some fantasies as "acceptable" and some as not. Never mind that these are just fantasies; these scenarios do not directly harm others in real life. Not to mention that you don't have to bring them into reality if you don't want to. This is also why we don't refer to sexual fantasies as "fetish" or "kink," since the definitions of those words can vary from one person to another, and some people have used these words to dismiss, make fun of, and shame others who have sexual fantasies that are seen as "atypical."

For many of us, suppressing what we feel often doesn't help--especially when we do it out of shame and guilt. It's not because you haven't done this "long enough," but rather your thoughts and feelings on your own sexuality. (By "sexuality" I don't just mean your sexual orientation, but a range of aspects in your sexual life, as you can read further here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sexuality-wtf-it-anyway.) Have you taken some time to think about your sexuality? The things that work for you, and the things that don't? How and where did you get your sexuality education--if any? It could be helpful to reflect on these, especially related to your sexual fantasy and engagement with porn. Additionally, have this level of stress affected your daily activities? If it has, it might be useful to discuss this with a therapist, since compulsions can be a sign of a mental health diagnosis like OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Aside from the article I gave you above, you might find these ones helpful too:
- Undoing Sexual Shame
- How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms