Is being a hoe a bad thing?

[SilverFalcon92]

I wanna know is being a hoe a bad thing or a good thing because I been hearing a mix of things for example a guy can sleep with a bunch of women and everybody praise him for having a high body count and for a women it’ll be a bad thing for them to be a hoe. It’s like a double standard a guy being a virgin is bad thing but for a women to be a virgin is a good thing. I never understood that logic I’ll want somebody explain to me why is that the case?

[lilikoi]

Hi SilverFalcon92,

Thanks for your question! The short answer to your question is, no. Being a "hoe" is definitely not a bad thing! The term itself exists to categorize people's sexual expression when every person experiences sex uniquely. So long as what you are doing is consentual and you are listening to your body, you are doing great!

Good comprehensive sex-ed will combat the shame our culture places on sexuality, sexual desire, and self-expression. We have a number of great articles about this and the gendered double standard you mention! They will do a much better job at giving a better explanation to answer your question.

• How do I behave sexually without someone thinking I'm a slut?

• Because yes, it really DOES happen: A thank you to SlutWalks
  

• Everything Old is New Again: A Brief History of Casual Sex and Cultural Attitudes

• Like a Virgin: What Having Sex and First Time(s) Have Meant to Me

[Heather]

Hi there, SilverFalcon.

I'll also ask that you please not call women or other people "hoes" here, and remind you that terms like that, and like calling a number of someone's partners a "body count" are ways of talking about people and sexuality that seek to stigmatize and shame people for exploring pleasure and connection as they please, rather than by someone else's arbitrary standards, most typically socio-sexual standards created to control people by making them scared of being stigmatized like this.

[SilverFalcon92]

Hey Heather
Hey I wasn’t trying to judge and shame people. I didn’t know any other way to ask that question without saying those words. I don’t know maybe I should’ve ask why society blames people for having a high body count and sleeping with a lot of people instead of flat out saying the word "hoe" and it’s very common for people to say that word. I was just curious of why people shame those people for sleeping around with a bunch of people.

[amber]

Hi SilverFalcon92,

Thank you for hearing us on our rules against stigmatizing language. Even without the intention, lots of words carry weight that can cause harm.

Were you able to read through any of the articles lilikoi shared? I think they are a great start into understanding shame around sex.