pain down there when i read about sex/also where is the clit

[rippledwater]

this doesn’t happen often or every time but every now and then when I read smut, I get pain down there (not even sure where exactly). im asexual so I don’t get horny often (though I don’t know if what I’m feeling is horniess at all) so I’m confused. is this normal? It goes away after I stop reading about it and its doesn’t happen everytime. Also slightly off topic but where do I even find my clit? I genuinely feel disconnected from my peers and my body at times because I habe no clue where to even start. It’s likely cause I’m asexual and have never masturbated (not for lack of trying, but I don’t even know where it is ) Sorry for being all over the place. Thank you!!!

[char]

Hi rippledwater, welcome to the boards ^^

Could you describe more about this pain you're experiencing? Ideally, you shouldn't any sort of pain whatsoever during sex. That said, some people with vulvas might experience throbbing when aroused; even the clitoris can become erect, too. You can read more about the sexual response process our bodies go through here: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide. Do you think this could be the case?

As for the clitoris, the external part is something you can touch. It's located under the mons (aka the place where someone may grow pubic hair). The clitoris is larger on the inside too. Check out the diagram and more explanation about the vulva and vagina here: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

There are a lot of entryways to masturbating, as you can see in our article about masturbation. There isn't a "right" time for anyone to start masturbating too—some people only begin masturbating in their 20s, for example, and that's okay.

How does reading all of this make you feel?

[rippledwater]

I'm not exactly sure how to describe it, its like throbbing but then it veers towards being painful. I've checked out the articles you've linked, thank you so much!!!

[Heather]

It does sound like what you're experiencing is probably just sexual arousal, something that will often tend to come from feeling sexual desire, curiosity or some kind of sexual want (aka horny). Since it sounds like you want a better sense of when you're feeling that way, I'd say even looking up smut to peruse is a clue you're probably already feeling it, and your body responding to what you're looking at is another.

Sometimes all the blood filling up everything down there can get painful, especially if and when people's don't follow that up with something -- like an orgasm -- that results in the body getting a release from that, but just waiting it out also absolutely works to relieve that too, it just means waiting it out 20 minutes or so.

I also want to add that while, like with every orientation, one person's asexuality is not the same as another's, generally asexuality is defined not as a lack of sexual desire, but as a lack of wanting to do something about it with a sexual partner. Lots of ace folks feel sexual desire, some as often as the next guy, it's just that many won't want to do anything about it, especially with another person.