can't feel anything~

[acearohanda]

i am afab. but i feel nothing. i can orgasm through direct stimulation (clit, vaginal penetration, entrance stimulation, anal sometimes. you can assume solo.) i dont feel anything beforehand like clit stimulation just feels like I'm rubbing anywhere, vag penetration will either be nothing or a stinging (literally my ass takes less prep than my boypussy.) orgasm feels okay for the 2 seconds it lasts. no feel good feelings after.

looked on oh joy sex toy and main scarleteen and basically all of it is I USED TO LOVE SEX. but i never have felt anything. there was one article on scarleteen that sounded more like my experience but it boiled down to "bro get aroused" which like. lol. lmao even. I've never been aroused in my life. never been wet. i dont think i even have a libido. even when i was on testosterone shortly, nothing (bc yknow as my doc said 0x2 is still 0.) I've checked my labs and hormones. this has been 20+ years (there wasnt anything before that, i was just prepubescent.) I've been on meds, ive been on no meds. no change. and these things preceded the unpleasant sexual experience I have had.

i want to feel good i want to enjoy sex and masturbation I'd love to experience sex someday and it not just be a reminder I'm broken. like. i dont even feel like a human. or animal for that matter. and this is not like I'm repressed and shameful about sex. my autistic special interest is fictional gay porn. i am ashamed of not having libido/arousal/pleasure I'm ashamed of not having what seems to be a pretty universal mammalian experience. but I look all over and no one seems to have experienced this complete lack of all of it and everyone just acts like "well if you never had it it's not like you're missing it".

[mikky]

Hey acearohanda,

I see you came in with this a few years ago, and I don’t want to drag you through a similar conversation if it doesn’t feel helpful. Because this is not new, and because you haven’t connected with what you’ve found that is made for a general audience, I do think seeing a sex therapist is going to be a good next step. An individualized setting, with someone who has a lot of knowledge and acute experience in this field, seems like a better fit for you. You can look at folks who are licensed in your state here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/ther ... ex-therapy or through the AASECT directory here: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory.

I would argue that arousal/sexual pleasure/libido not a universal human experience, and if you poke around the message boards and see what other folks bring here, it is an extremely wide and varied spectrum of relationships to pleasure, arousal, and libido. It isn’t what makes us human, or animal, and I can understand the pain of feeling inhuman. I am also sorry that people are minimizing your experiences and frustrations, and that when you are searching for other people like you, you’re feeling even more isolated and alone.
When you were here in 2023, it seems like we asked what does feel pleasurable in your life (sexual or non-sexual), and at the time, the answer was “nothing.” Is that still true?
What do you like about fictional gay sexual media?
What, if anything, do you see us as being able to help with?

[acearohanda]

oh i guess i did...

honestly I haven't seen anyone talk about having no sensation AND no libido/arousal that are upset about it. I've seen a sex therapist before but she just kept asking what arouses me or what touch feels pleasurable and telling me to explore those except when the answer is "nothing" what am i supposed to do with that.

yeah answer is still nothing. i havent felt joy (or anything really) in a decade. doctors and therapists are stumped on what to do bc treatment is always for too much feeling not nothing.

i mean i like my boys being in love and codependent and feeling stupid good. things I used to dream of. but special interest is basically just what i can tolerate doing at this point.

sorry it doesnt matter sorry i wasted your time because i forgot I'd already been here i should probably delete the thread.

[Heather]

I don't think you've wasted anyone's time. Just because you weren't able to solve for this in the past with advice we gave you then doesn't mean you wasted our time, it just means that either what we suggested didn't work or that you didn't feel like you wanted to try what we suggested (which would also mean the advice we gave you then obviously wasn't a fit for you).

I'm going to ask what may be an incredibly obvious question, but have you ever been evaluated for depression by any of these therapists?

I ask because usually, when someone is not able to access any joy or pleasure, and describes just feeling kind of flat, all around, for a long, long time like this, depression is one of the most common reasons why, and, if and when that is what's going on, it also -- usually -- is treatable. Depression is also one of the most common reasons people have some of the sexual issues you're reporting here.