Death Grip

[Maximil]

I cant nut whenever I get a handjob, or a blowjob, but when I jack off myself I can nut, ive been reading that it might be death grip and it told me to stop masturbating for a week for the penis to regain its sensitivity, is that true? If not is there other ways to get me to be more sensitive

[Heather]

"Death grip" is not a medical or scientific term, but a colloquial one, and however you grip your penis during masturbation, you can't change how sensitive it is. Masturbation, unless there is literally an injury, can't change how the nerve endings in and around your penis operate, no matter how you do it.

I don't know who "it" is that told you things, but if you're getting sex education or information from a bot of any kind, or from somewhere random on the internet -- not from sex educators who both aren't trying to sell you something and who know what they're talking about -- but you only need to change how you masturbate if you want to.

You say you are looking for ways to feel more sensitive. Are you saying you aren't feeling the level of sensation you'd like to feel?

[Maximil]

I dont feel the level in sensation id like to feel, but i dont get how i can cum when im doing it myself, but when my gf does it i dont cum.

[KierC]

Hey Maximil,

You’re not alone in finding it more difficult to orgasm with a partner, and there’s a few reasons this can happen. Partnered sex can introduce more variables to a sexual interaction and, while it can be great, it can sometimes complicate your sexual response simply because there’s another person there. It can be easier to orgasm when you’re the one touching yourself and controlling how it feels. On top of that, sometimes when you’re in a sexual situation with another person, the nerves, anxiety, and even just the cognitive attention toward another person can make it harder to orgasm. I think of it in a similar way to when people say it’s harder to do something with someone watching you. Know what I mean?

Can you tell me a little more about what happens when you can’t orgasm with a partner? Are you experiencing pleasure just not orgasm, or is the whole experience a little less arousing? Too, do you feel relaxed and present during these interactions?

[Heather]

I do also want to add that you've had all the time -- years probably -- to practice what you're doing and learn your own body. Your girlfriend hasn't. It takes time to learn what a partner likes and how to do things the way it feels good to them, on top of the things Kier brought up. It also takes communication: have you talked with her about what feels good and doesn't, and maybe also showed her some of the ways you touch your penis to help her learn what you like?

[Maximil]

Ive talked to her about the things i like, but when she does it I dont really feel anything, i really wanna try to fix that tho.

[KierC]

Hey Maximil,

I hear that. It sounds like you’ve communicated what you like and she does it, but you still don’t feel the level of sensation. Can you tell me a little about how your mental state feels in these situations? Do you feel relaxed or do you tend to feel in your head/disconnected?

[Maximil]

Whenever she does it, my mind just goes blank, i dont think theres any pleasure on my face, and most of the times she doesnt wabt to do it because she doesnt make me cum.

[KierC]

Ah, I understand. This may have a lot to do with your mental state during sexual encounters. Do you typically do any foreplay with your girlfriend ti make sure you’re both aroused and wanting to be sexual?

[Maximil]

We usually makeout, and usually she gives me a hickey, then we get to it.

[Heather]

Good morning, Maximil.

It sounds like your girlfriend might be missing that anything and everything she's doing with you (just like you with her) should be something where the focus is shared pleasure, not just -- or at all -- doing things to help a partner experience orgasm or ejaculation.

I will also say this: 14 is pretty young when it comes to having sexual relationships, and it may be that your partner doesn't fully understand that any kind of sex with a partner is usually something people only really enjoy when the focus is pleasure and connection, not orgasm. She may also not fully understand that she doesn't have to do anything sexual with you if she's not actually into it. Have you and your girlfriend talked about what she actually *enjoys* doing with you, and wants to do with you regardless of whether or not either of you experience orgasm?