dryhumping when underwear stayed on = 0 risk?

[oogabooga27]

hi anyone at scarleteen,

just to confirm what this site says, especially the post by Claire about dryhumping, as long as both parties kept their underwear on the ENTIRE time, there is no risk right? (thats my case) i went into it and after it was done feeling completely comfortable and fine and not anxious. well now a week has passed and i’m reconsidering what i did. when my boyfriend ACTUALLY ejaculated, he put his hands in his underwear and covered it up and i also got up as soon as i knew he was close. as he was getting closer my genitals weren’t rubbing against his at that point either, it was my leg. but i was quite wet (i had received oral prior and was very aroused) and while we were doing our stuff i did notice a patch of wetness and when the deed of dryhumping was done i too felt quite wet. i believe this is from my own fluids but the SPERM itself could not have traveled into me right? both our underwear were mostly polyester not sure if that matters with a bit of cotton blend. even if it was precum that had soaked onto me, let’s say my boyfriend is somehow extremely leaky and it was a lot of it, is there any risk? i doubt it, but please let me know. thanks! i’m getting more comfortable now but i don’t want to be mistaken on this. if not i will get a pregnancy test and if it isn’t medically necessary then i wont.

[Heather]

Yep, you've got it: there is not a risk when people have some clothing on. I don't see that you had any real risk of pregnancy or STIs with this.

But it sounds like you're feeling uncomfortable after the fact. Did you want to talk through what you're doing sexually to check in on if you're really comfortable with any or all of it, and/or if you want help doing things differently so that you can feel better about it?

[oogabooga27]

i just wanted to confirm my situation was no risk. i didn’t feel uncomfortable until now, and it isn’t discomfort but rather just my own personal worries and then i happened to think back on this and i started to worry about it. though in the moment i was clearheaded and was aware we kept our clothes on and that when he really ejaculated in his underwear, which is what counts, i had already moved away myself. i started rethinking about the wetness i felt and after the fact i went to the bathroom and peed and wiped myself but my underwear felt wet. again i saw his wet spot and since i didn’t see any goop i didn’t worry. and i know i was wet with arousal and from the fluids of his mouth on me prior. but i was worried the sperm could have traveled through all of this, since i know he was having precum, and i saw the stain on his pants, but the liquid medium stays in THERE and can’t carry sperm through my clothes and into me, right? i keep seeing stuff that’s like, if you press seeping wet clothes with precum against one another and the vagina is exposed to it, there’s a risk, is that right?

[Heather]

I don't know where you're looking at things, but I'd suggest only getting information like this from sex or reproductive health educators or organizations. There's a lot of half-baked information about pregnancy out there.

You're right: sperm cells really need the fluids they come out with for pregnancy. Those fluids do a few important things: they counter the acidic nature of the vagina, and they help sperm cells move to the cervix. Too, being smooshed against fabric and things breaks the little tails off of those cells needed for them to be able to move: sperm cells are really, really delicate.

You might find this piece helpful if you want the whole story: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide.

It sounds like you also just might feel better if when you do this, your boyfriend doesn't ejaculate in such close contact. You could ask him to pull away when he's getting close so he can do that via his own hands, away from you, for instance. Again, that's not about this being a bonafide risk so much as what will help you not have to worry during or after the fact.

[oogabooga27]

yes my boyfriend moves away when he actually ejaculates but the precum is just like minimal i believe and i didn’t think it was a great amount at the moment to be concerned about. i just saw a bit of wetness on his pants and today i thought about it and wondered if anything got in me actually or if it had soaked through and gotten me pregnant. so at the end of the day it’s no risk right? and i don’t need to test? that’s really all im looking to know, i know the anxiety issue is my own personal prob and this isn’t really the place for that. also yeah, the sites ive been on haven’t been planned parenthood or really trustworthy medical sites they’re just these random ones. even if what had been soaked onto me was precum, clothes staying on = 0 right?

[Heather]

Yep and nope, not unless you want to test to ease your mind. Sometimes that negative result can go a long way.

Why don't you go through and read that link I shared with you? It's very detailed and clear about what all is needed to create a pregnancy -- or even a risk of one -- so you can see why something like this doesn't qualify.

Or, if something seriously lighthearted and short feels more like what you need, you might take a look at this one (and yes, underpants, too): You cannot become pregnant when you have pants on.

Lastly, you might find these resources for anxiety helpful: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources.

Is there anything else I can help you with today?

[oogabooga27]

reading up nowthank you so much for answering.
(pants = also means underwear in that article right. sorry i’m a nutjob.) but (the other more professional sites i’ve been reading also confirmed this) a couple of weeks ago, actually like 2.5 months ago, my boyfriend came on his hands and then wiped them with dry tissues. he later went on to touch and rub my vulva (i have a policy of absolutely no fingering and no bare genitals even in the same room together ever. always at least one layer on but in this case he reached into my underwear obviously) after some seconds had passed and he touched another surface prior while i believe i was highly fertile. that scenario is similar to this, right? the sperm would be smushed, and specifically in this old scenario i’m referring to, would’ve dried up? his hands felt dry and looked it but just in case there was somehow some moist residue, there’s no risk from what i’ve read, since it didn’t stay in its perfect liquid form and temp and stuff etc. my period is late now but i’ve also been traveling, extremely stressed, and eating straight garbage recently. i took opill for a brief amount of time in the past so that probably is impacting my natural cycle that’s trying to power through now. my changes in discharge from ovulatory to luteal phase suggest my period is coming soon and as of right now is only like a day late, which my doctor said was normal, but i was just wondering about that old scenario, the sperm would be destroyed as the sources say right?

[Heather]

Totally similar to this, yep. As you'll see from that link, this isn't how pregnancy can happen, either. (But, if someone doesn't wash their hands, there can be some risk of STIs -- not to give you something new to freak out about, I just want you to have all the info to make informed choices for yourself.)

It sure sounds like you've been under a lot of stress and strain, and now this on top of it. Taking the opill will also often throw cycles off for 1-3 months. And your doctor is right: in fact, periods aren't even medically counted as late until they're 5 or more days later than expected, because most people's cycles always or often deviate by at least a couple of days, so there's really no such thing as a period having only one day where it can be on time, ever.

Given your use of the opill, though, it does sound liek you might feel better going ahead and at least looking into a more effective and ongoing method of contraception, even if, for now, you're not doing anything that carries pregnancy risks. If, for instance, you already use the opill, might using the birth control pill or a different method like it -- which is much more effective and also usually less expensive -- feel like something that could be a good idea for you?

[oogabooga27]

now that it’s no longer necessary for my guardian to be involved in my medical appointments, i am going to seek a more effective pill, as all the other alternatives scare me (like the shot or IUD) and i’m good about taking pills on time, since i’m such a paranoid freak. but thank you for your help, i am glad the things i did carry no risk, i wasnt on the pill when either of these things happened but when i was on it i just felt a lot less stressed overall, even though i wasn’t doing things with any risk while on it, its just for an extra layer of safety, so that will help me in the future. thanks again for clearing things up for me.

[Heather]

Glad I could be of help. I hope getting on the pill will help give you some peace of mind. Take care of yourself!