Me ang my girlfriend arent on the same pace

[MagicMilly]

Hi! Im milly and i need some help. My girlfriend and i have very different oppinions on what sex is. I think of it as direct stimulation but she thinks toutching breasts and stuff is still too close. I have alot more experience with my sexuality and masterbation. She has only started exploring now.

We are both newly 18 and i think thats old enough but she doesnt.

We have been dating for a long time and i really want to move forward, like toutching breasts, but shes just not ready. She just feels kinda scared. I want to respect her boundries 190%! Is there any way she can become more comfortable with her own sexuality? She doesnt really care about trying to have orgasms (which is another big difference that frustrates me a little not sure why) She wants to explore with herself but she just struggles to navigate around it and some guilt…


I just feel really guilty because i feel quite sexually frustrated and hurt How can i deal with this when its ruining my sex life with myself? Can i get advice on how to handle this situation? And how me and my girlfriend can navigate this different in ideas of what sex is and pacing?

(Ps. I posted this on the advice place, is there maybe a chance that it can get removed for the system there? Thank you sososoo much! Im so happy i found this site, ive struggled with this issue for longer than a year!) (ps.2 sorry but after this discussion could this be delited? I want to introduce my gf to this site i think it will really help! But i dont want her to see this )

[Becky]

Hi MagicMilly! Welcome to the boards!

Yes, when we're done with this thread I can remove it. I think our website could be a great resource for you and your girlfriend to use both separately and together.

In the meantime, I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated and hurt. Unfortunately, there isn't any way to speed up this process. If your girlfriend is working through her own feelings about sex, that has to be on her own timeline. Now, when she expressed that she wants to explore or if she talks to you about the guilt she's feeling, obviously you can talk with her and offer her resources. But the decision of when and if she engages in the same kind of sexual touching that you are interested in might take some time.

I'd be curious to know what you mean by, "its ruining my sex life with myself"?

Here are some resources for you and (if she's comfortable) your girlfriend to explore together. They might allow you to have some discussions about what sex is and what things you are or are not okay with.

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
What's Sex?

[MagicMilly]

Omw thank you!

Yeah i am aware that its not a process that can be rushed and i never want to do anything that she doesnt want to! We are very open about our own sexualities and ive made it less taboo for her which has helped!

But i didnt make it as clear that we dont want to have sex right now tho, so we dont have that “pressure” on us yet atleast

But on the ruining of my own sex life. Ive always felt satisfied with my own orgasms and masterbation. But recently i feel unfifilled because of the fantasies that cant happen. It makes me feel guilty but i know that sometimes things just stick in the back of your mind.

She is very sciency and a total amazing nerd. Shes quite curious about the vagina and how it works and i want to become a sexologist so ive done somw research and we discuss alot of intimate topics. And i tell her about my experiences and how i go about it. But i feel as if ive shared too much of myself and a little gross. I am very sensitive, but not ashamed of my sexuality, and this has created a kind of “inequality” in my brain. Where ive shown too much but cant do anything about it. So its made me feel a little bit weird about having my own intimate exeriences.

Im really happy that she feels comfortable to begin exploring though i am so proud of her!

Is there maybe anything i can do to help with this guilt i feel and redirect it somehow?

[Becky]

I think first we need to explore the root of this guilt. Are you feeling guilty because you want to play these fantasies out with your girlfriend but she's not ready?