How to feel secure in your sexuality?

[initiald-ejavu]

Sorry for making 2 posts in one day, but I've just had both topics on my mind recently.

A lot of language I hear discussing sexuality is also essentialist. As in you're born gay, or straight, or cis, or trans, or monogamous, or non-monogamous, and there is nothing you can do about it. That there is this "true you" underneath all your confusion and distress, and you just have to find it!!

At the same time I also hear stories about people repressing who they "truly were" and discovering later in life that they're of a different orientation, or that they prefer a different relationship structure, etc.

Combining these two facts leaves me constantly anxious about my sexuality. So... there is nothing I can do to change it, and it's randomly generated, and I could be wrong about it??

How does one know they're "done"? Like... I've been a pretty simple cis monogamous guy my whole life. How do I know that won't change? That I'm not repressing without knowing it?

If I consider bicuriosity or non-monogamy, is that just a passing thought? Or is it some sort of repressed inner truth coming out? Thinking like this always terrifies me and I don't know how to deal with it.

How is anyone confident in who they are? I can never seem to be able to do that... I feel irresponsible engaging in relationships sometimes without having 100% certainty, even though SUPPOSEDLY everyone is in the same boat. I just have no idea how y'all cope.