"Authenticity" and how to know if you're lying to yourself

[initiald-ejavu]

Hey guys, this post is kind of a continuation of the last one "How do you feel secure in your seuxal identity" but I want to zoom in more on the process. And it's also gonna be more philosophical

I realized from my last post that I still definitely have some purity culture built into me, as part of me considers a change in sexuality to be "selfish" or "evil" whereas other changes are not.

I always believed sexual idenities are fluid and that they may change over time, but then I start to wonder how you actually spot such a change. At what point does a passing thought become an important one, and part of our identity? At what point are you just lying to yourself?

I hear you guys tell people often "You're going to have to decide what sort of relationship/identity you want" and I always find that odd? Because at the same time we also "cannot choose what we're attracted to".

Just the two concepts already betray different approaches. "Lie to yourself" assumes there is a truth about you, and "decide what you want" assumes there isn't. Idk how to square them. Are all the decisions really equally valid?

If someone is attracted to men and also feels that this is the work of the devil, there is 2 directions they can go: They can either embrace the attraction and lose the "work of the devil" bit, or they can embrace the "work of the devil" bit and work to actively suppress the attraction. Are both of these options equally valid?

Because a part of me feels like it's not all choice. That there may be times where "decide what sort of identity you want" doesn't apply, and there is clearly a better option. But if you'll remember from my previous post, I hate essentialism, the idea that there is a "core" to you that is much better to stick to and you just have to find it and you'll be happy!!

I don't know what to do anymore to square these 2 concepts. How can "all choices are valid" be true while at the same time there being cases where one is "lying to themselves"?

And if I AM doing the latter, and there IS some core I'm hiding, how do I know? Cuz that idea terrifies me.

[char]

Hey again initiald-ejavu. Since we've been discussing things intensively for a while, how about lightening things up a bit? Maybe we can talk about your own experience. How do you describe your own identity as of now? How do you feel about your identity in relation to attraction, partnership, and so on? I remember you mentioning that you have a girlfriend--have you been talking to her about how you feel + what you think?