Feeling nothing trying to masturbate

[Kimctv]

(16f) i cant feel anything when masturbating 9 days before my period (28 day cycle) it doesn't work at all its not fair why can other people do it anytime they want and it works and i can't i tried for like an hour and i cried after cause i felt nothing like ive never even had an orgasm cant I at least feel something whats wrong with me

[Kimctv]

(16f) i cant feel anything when masturbating like using a vibrator its 9 days before my period (28 day cycle) it doesn't work its not fair why can other people do it anytime and i can't i tried for like an hour and i cried after cause i felt nothing it feels numb ive never even had an orgasm whats wrong with me its making me hate my body I bet its so much easier as a man I wish I was a man

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Kimctv! I've merged your posts so we can talk about them in the one place, since they are on the same topic.

I understand it can seem like essentially every other person is having an easier time with sexual pleasure than you are (and I do recognize how frustrating this is for you!), but you are not alone. So, so many people have trouble finding sexual pleasure--if you want proof, just take a look around the boards to see how often questions like yours get asked here. Based off of what we know of why this sort of thing happens, I feel pretty sure about the fact that there is nothing wrong with you, personally. We can still help you think through why this might be happening, and what you could try to make sex feel better.

I should add: there are narratives that tell us that men always want and are ready for sex, and that they don't have trouble getting their bodies on the same page as their minds. That isn't actually true. Men can and do struggle to make their bodies respond to sex when they want it. If you were a man, there is every chance that you would end up struggling in some way with your body, even if it isn't the exact same issue you are dealing with now--that is just a part of what it is to have a body in the first place.

If it is alright, I'd like to ask a few questions to start.

• When you masturbate, do you begin by feeling very aroused, or it it more something you are hoping will happen as you go on?

• Would you tell us a little about what kinds of stimulation or sorts of activities you've tried during sex?

• Do you have fantasies that are very interesting to you?

[Kimctv]

hello and thanks for the reply
1. I always try to get aroused first before but it doesnt always work like sometimes when im mentally into it my body doesnt respond or its the other way around

2. Ive tried clit stimulation with a vibrator because other things have never worked and even when I do feel something that lasts for a few seconds it either becomes overstimulating that I have to stop or it becomes numb and sometimes it just stays numb entirely I never got the pee feeling other people talk about

3. I would say kind of but It can get repetitive or I dont really know what I like so I have to experiment with a bunch of different ones tho when I get physically overstimulated I feel the urge to stop and I lose interest entirely

[Kimctv]

Oh and another thing is i cant do it any time I want because of my fear of getting caught by my parents and the only times I can is before showering or if im home alone. I also see posts online about how adults are able to have many orgasms and it gives me fomo and I feel even worse when I see someone comment that they cant do it and the replies are saying how sad that must be

[Kimctv]

When I hear about anorgasmia I always see that its caused by stress or medications and stuff but I am not medicated and even the times where I go into it without any stress I still can't seem to do it for some reason

[char]

Hi Kimctv, appreciate you sharing more of your story by answering Latha's questions. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of worries, including being caught masturbating by your parents at home. Would you able to let them know that you'd like to have some private time in your room every now and then, especially before night falls? Aside from your worries of being caught, do you think there's anything else that's possibly distracting you from being focused?

Often, our minds and bodies won't line up in terms of sexual desire and arousal; it's called arousal nonconcordance. Arousal nonconcordance can happen if we're especially anxious, stressed, or exhausted. In your case, that could be not just the fear of getting caught, but also listening to/reading experiences of other people, especially adults. For a lot of adults, they've had more time discovering what works for them and what doesn't, which is why they might be able to have a better masturbating experience. Not to mention they likely have more privacy from living on their own. Their experience and circumstances won't be the exact same as yours, and that's okay. Further, orgasm is just one part of sex, and it's not a must-have; many people can still have a good time without ever orgasming during sex. Sex is a continuous journey of connecting/reconnecting with your mind and body for pleasure. Do you get what I mean?

I think one of the best things you can do right now is to be patient with yourself. It'd be great if you could experiment, for one, while listening to what your body tells you. Where do you think you could start?

You can also check out some of our articles and learn more about your own sexuality. I recommend these articles to start:
- Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation
- Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
- How To Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women
- When the Big O is a No-Show

I hope my response was helpful. As always, we're here if you have any questions!