Sometimes when I masturbate, I start thinking about my crush in a sexual way. I don’t mean for it, but my mind just wanders that way and I don’t catch it very fast (I have ADHD if that means anything.) I feel so guilty for this. Like a creep. He is my friend, and yet I think about him like this and he has no idea. I find what I think about attractive even, which makes me feel even more bad. Is this normal? Is it bad?
Also, is it normal for masturbating to be so messy? I use a towel, but it gets really soaked and there are a lot of fluids that come out. (I feel dysphoric calling it squirting but I think that’s what it is, if you have ideas for a different term for it please tell me.) And tbh, the fact that it is so messy and having to clean it up after does make me feel dysphoric for some reason…
I feel like a creep
-
KierC
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 876
- Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2024 2:10 pm
- Age: 29
- My Awesomeness Quotient: I can and will reupholster anything
- My primary language: English
- My pronouns: She/they
- My sexual identity and orientation: Queer
- Location: Chicago, IL
Re: I feel like a creep
Hi Blahaj!
Masturbating to the idea of a crush, or someone you know who you enjoy thinking of when you masturbate, is very normal and it doesn’t hurt anyone on its own. Because it’s only happening in your head, it exists in the realm of fantasy and it doesn’t hurt anyone. But I hear you that these thoughts are bothersome to you. Do you want to talk more about why you feel badly about this?
Yes, it is normal for masturbation to be messy! But I’m sorry it’s causing you to experience dysphoria. It sounds like part of the dysphoria comes from the mess and part comes from how to think about or describe it. The good news is that you can call it whatever you want! If “squirting” feels dysphoric for you, you don’t have to call it that. Are there other words you think about using that might feel better, like “ejaculation”?
Do you have thoughts on how the mess-part might tie into your dysphoria? Is it seeing the mess, touching it, or something else? Maybe we can figure out a way to minimize the part of this that triggers dysphoria.
Masturbating to the idea of a crush, or someone you know who you enjoy thinking of when you masturbate, is very normal and it doesn’t hurt anyone on its own. Because it’s only happening in your head, it exists in the realm of fantasy and it doesn’t hurt anyone. But I hear you that these thoughts are bothersome to you. Do you want to talk more about why you feel badly about this?
Yes, it is normal for masturbation to be messy! But I’m sorry it’s causing you to experience dysphoria. It sounds like part of the dysphoria comes from the mess and part comes from how to think about or describe it. The good news is that you can call it whatever you want! If “squirting” feels dysphoric for you, you don’t have to call it that. Are there other words you think about using that might feel better, like “ejaculation”?
Do you have thoughts on how the mess-part might tie into your dysphoria? Is it seeing the mess, touching it, or something else? Maybe we can figure out a way to minimize the part of this that triggers dysphoria.
-
blahaj78
- not a newbie
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2026 10:24 am
- Age: 17
- My pronouns: he/him
- Location: australia
Re: I feel like a creep
Hi, thank you for the reply!
I feel bad because maybe it will make the friendship unbalanced, because I like and think about him more than he likes me. And I’m worried if I’m sexualising or objectifying him, that it means our connection isn’t genuine and I’m just using him for my own fantasies. I feel really guilty for it.
I think calling it ejaculation will help. I think seeing the mess, and hearing it come out, has been dysphoric for me, and then having to clean it up is a reminder of the dysphoria.
I have words for my anatomy that help to ease my dysphoria with them, but sometimes when I am masturbating, I am reminded of the real words for my anatomy and they pop into my head. It’s really dysphoric
I feel bad because maybe it will make the friendship unbalanced, because I like and think about him more than he likes me. And I’m worried if I’m sexualising or objectifying him, that it means our connection isn’t genuine and I’m just using him for my own fantasies. I feel really guilty for it.
I think calling it ejaculation will help. I think seeing the mess, and hearing it come out, has been dysphoric for me, and then having to clean it up is a reminder of the dysphoria.
I have words for my anatomy that help to ease my dysphoria with them, but sometimes when I am masturbating, I am reminded of the real words for my anatomy and they pop into my head. It’s really dysphoric
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 11165
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
- Age: 56
- My Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for nearly 30 years!
- My primary language: english
- My pronouns: they/them
- My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: I feel like a creep
Hey there, blahaj78.
You know, someone objectifying someone doesn't talk about them like you are your friend. You are considering him as a whole person, and concerned about your relationship together. Someone who thinks of someone as an object doesn't do that. Sexualizing is also language meant to address objectification. Having sexual feelings for someone or about them isn't sexualizing them, it's having sexual desire for/feelings about them. We can also both have sexual feelings for someone and have a real friendship with them: friendship and sexual feelings (or sex, for that matter!) aren't mutually exclusive. <3
What do you think you might need to feel better about these thoughts when they happen?
You know, someone objectifying someone doesn't talk about them like you are your friend. You are considering him as a whole person, and concerned about your relationship together. Someone who thinks of someone as an object doesn't do that. Sexualizing is also language meant to address objectification. Having sexual feelings for someone or about them isn't sexualizing them, it's having sexual desire for/feelings about them. We can also both have sexual feelings for someone and have a real friendship with them: friendship and sexual feelings (or sex, for that matter!) aren't mutually exclusive. <3
What do you think you might need to feel better about these thoughts when they happen?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post