I wanna be lusted over

[Kimctv]

(16f) I usually see people who dislike being lusted over but is it weird that I want that? Like I wish someone felt that way about me besides wanting to be loved heh

[Latha]

Hi Kimctv

It is not weird to want to be desired and loved--to feel wanted by other people. I think that might be one of the most comprehensible needs in the world, and I understand being frustrated that you haven't noticed romantic and sexual desire for you. The fact that it hasn't happened yet probably has more to do with your environment and having a limited social circle, rather than anything being less desirable about you as a person, specifically.

Though we often describe them with the same words, I think there are differences between the kinds of 'lust' that people want directed towards themselves, and the kinds they want to avoid dealing with. What do the people who you've seen dislike about being 'lusted over'?

[Kimctv]

They say that they dont like being seen as an object but to me im like that doesnt sound good and at the same time I want that because not getting it makes me feel like im not worthy enough to receive any kinda attention when my parents compliment me I dont feel any type of way cause I know its not genuine like of course they're gonna say that its cause they have to

[amber]

Being 'seen as an object' is often associated with our personhood taken away. By that I mean our own wants and desires are not considered and our bodies are used as tools for another person. That, I'm sure you can agree, is not good.

But being pursued or feeling wanted physically is a common desire. In this way, we can feel someone desiring us as the entire person we are. They take in mind our own desires. Lust is oftentimes a two way street as well - we want someone as bad as they want us!

Does that difference make sense to you? I think understanding the good vs the bad could be helpful because again that 'good' lust is sooo normal to want.

[Kimctv]

Yeah thanks but then again I find myself getting desperate especially around people who seem to be getting so much attention

[Heather]

Hey again, Kimctv.

Wanting more attention or validation than you are getting is a theme that keeps coming up for you in your posts. But as I've mentioned in other places, getting sexual validation -- being validated based on what you look like or by someone's sexual desire for you -- rarely delivers the kind of feeling it seems like you're looking for. To feel how you're looking to feel, we generally need to go much deeper than that, and if those feelings involve another person, we generally will need to have things not be one-sided or one-dimensional.

I am sorry if we've asked this before, but have you considered working with a therapist on your self-esteem? Working with someone qualified to help you learn how to self-validate will usually net better results than just having someone random express they want to be sexual with you.

[Kimctv]

Thanks yeah il try that tho I dont think my parents are gonna wanna pay for that

[Heather]

How about you ask them about it and see what they say?

[Kimctv]

They said no like i thought