Penis sex toys

[Eli_314]

Hello -

I am a 20 year old male, and I just received a penis vibrator that I ordered and unfortunately, it does not offer the pleasure I hoped it would. At worst, it’s a good vibrator that I think maybe I’ll find pleasurable in some way besides my penis, but it still wasn’t what I was hoping for.

I don’t blame myself because it was my first time buying, it looked appealing online and you don’t know until you try. I just wanted to check in and get some help because I want to find myself the right toy. I already spent $45 on this one and I want to get what I’m looking for without having to spend endless amounts of money.

The toy I have right now is silicone and is quite loose, thin, wobbly and not very firm which is why I think I find it underwhelming. It’s firmer on top but that parts not insertable. And it’s mainly meant to vibrate the head but also covers about half the shaft.

Sex is really important to me. Pleasure is really important to me. I just want to be able to relax after a long day, let a vibrator pleasure me and bring me to orgasm. And honestly, I think I deserve that. I’m able to orgasm and ejaculate when I stroke my penis with my hand. Do they make penis vibrators that cover the whole shaft, are firm on the outside, don’t have a vulva or mouth shaped entrance and don’t cost $200? Also, I’m afraid to mess with returns because I fear that returning a sex toy would reveal things I want to stay private. Would love some help.

Thank you!

[mikky]

Hey there,
A lot of your questions I think would be best for an in-person sex toy store! I highly, highly encourage you seek one out, where you can touch and examine products more thoroughly, and ask folks these questions who specialize in products themselves.
I think, too, that it might be worth noting that you've been doing a lot of searching, thinking, and asking about this in a short amount of time. While that's totally ok, because toys cost money, and because pleasure isn't something we need to have on demand, you might find it helpful to slow down and explore a bit more- both physical exploration, and a bit of mental exploration about what pleasure means to you.

[Eli_314]

Thank you!

[Eli_314]

I’m just a little concerned because like I’m not ashamed of my appeal to sex toys, but I feel a little weird going to a store where people will see my face and stuff. And like what if run into someone I know or something, that’d be super awkward. I think you’re right that going to an in person store would be ideal but I’m just concerned about a couple things. I couldn’t even imagine my reaction if I run into someone I know at a sex store.

[mikky]

Let's say you DID run into someone you knew at a store that specialized in sex toys. Why would they be there? Presumably, also to look at sex toys, right?
It would also be pretty random to run into someone you knew there, unless you know a LOT of people, and if you and those people all frequented the same sex toy store. Unlike a corner store or grocery store or really good restaurant, people don't tend to visit sex toy stores daily/weekly/monthly. So the likelihood is just... much lower. Looking for a place that emphasizes non-judgement, has a really welcoming energy, and knowledgeable employees can also help. As someone who has intense anxiety, I often panic walking into any old store, and you can bet that it gets way worse if I want to ask a question or need help. But a lot of stores that specialize in sex toys also specialize in the kind of nervous, maybe a bit ashamed, awkward way that some of us show up.
You might start by seeing if a local store has a website that you can peruse. Some will write detailed guides or descriptions on different products.

[Eli_314]

Thank you

That helps a lot. I’m just disappointed I didn’t get what I wanted out of my last purchase. Im just afraid that what I’m looking for doesn’t exist. There’s nothing I’d love more than to be able to come home when I’m tired to my bed knowing I have a penis vibrator that will make me feel really, really good. It genuinely matters quite a bit to me.

Everything I’ve seen online so far doesn’t quite seem to be what I’m looking for. I found a local stores website that seems nice. They have a small selection online for male penis vibrators/strokers but maybe they’ve got more in store? I’m hoping so

[mikky]

I think if you're feeling a really significant sense of disappointment, and putting that much value on this specific idea, taking a beat might be the way to go.

[Eli_314]

Yeah, I don’t want to make any impulsive decisions out of disappointment. I appreciate your advice!

[Heather]

Eli!

Minneapolis has one of THE BEST sex shops staffed by some of the most wonderful people in the world. They are also very supportive of Scarleteen as well as the whole community in Minneapolis: they recently literally got a peace award for what they did during the ICE takeover in Mpls.

It’s called Smitten Kitten, it’s right in the middle of Uptown (I lived in Mpls for a handful of years), and I absolutely promise you they will be helpful. You can shamelessly ask for what you want: they’ve got you, I promise!

[Eli_314]

Thanks heather! Yeah, that’s the store I found online and was thinking about. Good to know that is has your approval!

[Straif]

That's great to hear, Eli_314! We're always here to help if you have questions in the future.

[Eli_314]

Okay, so basically I'm willing to spend the necessary money needed for a good sex toy that gives me the pleasure I'm looking for. But I'm afraid I'll spend $100 on something that I'll find out I don't like. Like if I go to smittin kittin and they recommend me a stroker/vibrator how can they guarantee I’ll enjoy it? I’m fine spending money, I just really want to make sure I’m spending on something that’s worth while. Do you have any advice? Obviously, nothings ever guaranteed but like I feel like I should be able to buy something and then enjoy it without feeling like I wasted a bunch of money. I feel like I’m wording this weird, but do you get what I’m getting at here? I’d really appreciate some advice

[Latha]

Hi there, Eli!

I do understand what you are getting at, and I think it is reasonable to be wary of spending a hundred dollars on something when you don't know that you'd use it.

If you're not sure whether you'll like the sensation of a stroker, it might help to start with a single use toy. Those tend to be inexpensive (~$10). You could also look into reviews of a toy that you are interested in to see how other people describe it. Do you think any of that could help with your concerns?

[Eli_314]

Yeah, that could help. Last time I looked at reviews for a toy online it had like a 4.4 then when I bought it, I found out it didn’t really do much. But I also don’t think the store was the most reputable so I kinda took that risk knowing that.

There’s not a lot of online reviews for the penis strokers/vibrators that I’m looking into for the in person sex store near me. But I know for sure I am interested in a penis vibrator that will surround the shaft and offer some really wonderful sensations to the head and most of the shaft. A manual stoker sounds nice too, and they’re definitely cheaper than the vibrating options. While a stroker would probably be nice, I just really want a vibrating toy because it’s important to me to have something I can just turn on that will pleasure me without me having to really do anything else accept lay down and enjoy myself. So I don’t doubt one bit that I’m not interested in penis vibrators/strokers. I’m also quite confident that there is a penis vibrator that can give me the hands free pleasure I want. I’m just afraid I’ll buy one that won’t feel the best to me. Does that make sense?

[Anya]

Hi Eli_314,

Yeah that really is the downside to sex toys in general, that you don't get to try before you buy, meaning that like you've experienced, you can sometimes end up with something expensive that doesn't actually suit your needs.

I think the best course of action is really to just focus on what you know or think you want in a sex toy, like you mentioned the vibrations? If you can do some research and compare between options, keeping a list in the back of your mind of what you're really looking for, taking a risk tends to be the best you can do. I'm sorry we're not able to give you much more advice regarding this.

I think Latha's suggestions of finding a single use toy first to just try out different sensations is a good one. Have you thought much about that?