Partner's possible pregnancy

[5er]

So I had unprotected sex with my partner a few times recently. I didn't ejaculate, however I had done so earlier that day, and during intercourse some precum definitely got inside. They haven't had their period this month so understandably we're somewhat concerned. I'd say we're a healthy couple, we can talk to each other about stuff, and we understand they have options and choice about those options.

I am wondering though, how should I go about this? I understand it's a pretty big deal if I actually have impregnated them, and I tend to overthink about how they may be feeling which stresses me out. Just looking for general advice, I suppose

[KierC]

Hey 5er!

You are right, direct contact with pre-ejaculate can cause pregnancy. The best thing you can do now is support her in getting a pregnancy test in a few weeks. How do you feel about that?

[5er]

That's exactly my plan. I'm actually going to try and see them today, and if that's not possible then I'm also seeing them on Friday. Will post again with results

[Heather]

I understand it's a pretty big deal if I actually have impregnated them, and I tend to overthink about how they may be feeling which stresses me out.

I also want to add that this piece may well be solved for by asking them how they are feeling and taking them at their word, rather than projecting your ideas about their feelings unto them or yourself. By all means, a possible pregnancy is usually a huge deal, especially for teens, who most often very much do not want to be pregnant or be a parent yet. So, it may well be that their feelings about this are big because yeah, even just being at risk of a pregnancy in your own body you don't actually want is hugely stressful for most people. But there's no need for you to project how they may be feeling when they can just tell you, you know?

One other thing you can do is talk with them about unprotected intercourse and other sex. Is that a risk they actually want to be taking with you? If not -- and if you two don't intend to create a pregnancy, this won't ever be a good idea, because withdrawal is just so, so easy to mess up, which is why it's the least effective method of pregnancy prevention -- how about a talk together where you make a commitment not to do this again, or not to do this again until or unless another effective form of birth control is in the mix?

[5er]

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to me Heather, and thank you even more for providing this service to those in need. However, two things I'd like to clear up.

Firstly, in my opinion I do not project in the manner you seem to be referring to. I do speculate, but I treat those speculations as possibilities and I always base my beliefs on what they have told me themself, through their verbal communications and any clear nonverbal ones.

Secondly, I'd like to clarify that I did not ejaculate at all during intercourse, so I would not say this is a case of the withdrawal method. However I completely agree with the rest of that and yes, we have decided not to take the risk again; they are waiting on prescription of a medical contraceptive, so at that point we intend to discuss intercourse without condoms again, and we will also do some research on this specific medication to assertain whether this would be a safe option by itself.

As regards this situation: I saw them today, they took a test following all the instructions, and the test was negative. I am somewhat confident of it being a false negative, partially because I believe moderated pessimism leads to the least disappointment and partially because there are a couple of potential signs for pregnancy I can't quite ignore -- the late period, and my estimation that their breasts are bigger than they were recently. I know that second detail isn't very conclusive, but I think it could suggest pregnancy? I may be wrong I suppose.

As for my partner's feelings about all this, I think they are okay. We've talked about it a lot and they have expressed nervousness about this, but I believe reminding ourselves of possible options for termination, and reminding them that they have the choice here, has been reassuring. The negative result definitely helped ease their mind. If the retest we intend to do next Monday is positive, I believe we will be able to get through it and discuss practical options.

[Heather]

I'm happy to help, and you're welcome. That' a very kind and lovely thank you, and I appreciate it. <3

I heard you saying you were projecting unto her based on what you said in your first post: apologies for the misunderstanding.

So, withdrawal as a method doesn't actually mean someone doesn't ejaculate, it means that they intend to withdraw before that happens, whether it happens or not. That's what you did and, in this case, successfully, from the sounds of it. The trouble with this as a method -- and I'm not accounting for people who *say* they will withdraw but are lying, something that happens a lot so is part of the failure rate, but obviously isn't happening with you -- is that it isn't always easy to predict when ejaculation will happen. As you may already know, sometimes an orgasm or ejaculation can really sneak up on us and happen faster or sooner than we thought we might. When that happens, people using withdrawal will usually race to try and withdraw, but by then, it's too late.

We do have a very in-depth and personal walkthrough guide to contraceptive methods here, if either of you might find it useful: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sexual- ... ol-bingo-0

Breast growth does not usually start happening until about 6-8 weeks in. And by that long in (remember, pregnancy doesn't happen at the same time the sex that causes it does: it usually takes around a week just to get to implantation, and thus, the start of a pregnancy), someone will usually have missed two periods, not just one. Unless this was something that's been going on for some time now, you won't be able to tell if a partner is pregnant yourself. (It's also much much more likely if you're earnestly seeing breast growth that it's about puberty, assuming they're around your same age.)

The test they took, so long as they took it correctly, which it sounds like they did, is the actually-reliable source of information for this. Unless you think they took it too soon or didn't follow directions, I see no reason to think their negative result was false. How do they feel about it? Sounds like they're not worried about being pregnant at this point?

[5er]

Thanks, Heather, I find most of that quite reassuring. They are in my age group so I agree it could deffo just be continued development responsible for breast growth. I suppose I find that placing my assumption in the worst possible outcome has generally served me well as it helps me deal with the emotions associated with it in advance, even if it proves unnecessary, which is why I committed myself to the pregnancy assumption until I can be proven wrong.

The mention of the 6-8 weeks time period is interesting. That's approximately 2 months, and I'm pretty sure there wasn't any unprotected sex that far back.

I think I am probably overthinking this, as they've pretty much moved on from it at this point and from what you're saying it sounds significantly less likely that they're pregnant. They do have some medical factors related to their womb and menstrual cycle, so that could explain their late periods. Given all of this I'll drop it for now and just request they do a test next Monday to be absolutely sure. Thank you very much for putting my mind at ease

[Heather]

You're welcome.

For sure, I think that if the person who would themselves actually be pregnant is feeling relaxed about this, I think you can rest assured that's probably with good reason, and take a cue from them and relax about this. Too, pregnancy tests are around 99% accurate when people follow the directions. Again, I don't see any reason to assume it wasn't correct.