When friends meddle in relationships.

[Hypochondriac17]

Hi, I just need someone to talk to about an issue that I've been struggling with lately. I apologize for the lengthy outburst here.

What can one do when friends meddle in relationships? And not just the jealousy kinda meddling?
I've been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years now. He was my best friend for a long time before that. Other than him, I have only a handful of friends. I get along well with people, but there are only these 3-4 people I could call friends.

I'm 16, he's 17. My boyfriend has had over 15 relationships before, he was briefly a bisexual, and he has had sex. I'm open minded and I don't mind any of these things- I love him regardless. Also, these things might be small stuff elsewhere in the world, but in my nation, even dating is considered to be a social taboo. So someone with a different sexuality and multiple relationships, who has had pre-marital sex is socially considered worser than a serial killer. I might be open minded, but my friends have the orthodox mentality of our community. They think that these quirks about him and his past make him a bad influence and a dangerous person, and hence, they've been trying to separate us ever since.

I've tried endlessly to explain to them that his choices don't define him and he's a wonderful person. Me and him share common core values, have similar family backgrounds, career goals, and I really see this going somewhere. However, my friends have been trying to keep things rocky between us. They have been persuading and pressurizing me to break up with him. They threaten to terminate our friendship in the event that I don't leave him once we start college in a couple of months.

I have never given him preference over my friends; I meet him only 3-4 times a month! I dedicate whatever time I have to my friends, who are being really judgemental in this case and are screwing things up for me. I don't make friends easily and I've known them for over 10 years, so just walking away from this isn't the solution either.

What do I do? How do I not hurt anyone?

[Onionpie]

Hi Hypochondriac17. I'm so sorry to hear that your friends have been reacting so negatively towards your boyfriend and your relationship, and that they are trying to pressure you into doing what THEY want. I know you say you have told them endlessly that he is a nice person and you do not feel that his past makes him a bad influence. But, have you tried telling them that in fact, it doesn't matter at all what they think of him because you get to decide for yourself what matters in your relationships or not.

I would suggest setting a hard limit around this, telling them that you really need them to stop trying to get you to change your mind or do what they want, because it's a decision YOU have to make for yourself, and they are making you feel really uncomfortable and upset about it. Being good friends means respecting the choices that your friend makes, even if you disagree with them.

Friends who show you respect do not try to pressure you into doing what they think is best for you, or deliberately try to make things uncomfortable for you or your boyfriend. So your friends are really not showing you respect right now. Hopefully, if you calmly explain that you really need them to respect your boundaries and leave you alone about this, they will realize that they aren't acting like very good friends right now.

Do you think you would be able to bring that up and explain it to them? Do you feel like they would listen to you?

[Savemysoul]

Okay, where do I start. Well I guess I should make it clear fist of all that I am dating behind my parents intelligence because they have forbidden me of my sexual rights until I am in University. I really should respect that, but I'm in highschool and every girls has a teenage dream, if you know what I'm saying. Anyways I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for a month and a half. I personally think things are going very well. My friends however don't. You see my bf shares a different religion that of me and my friends, and he has a bit of a dark past. Other than that he's really nice and considerate and overall good to me. My friends keep pressuring me to break up with him, I won't though cause I don't want to.I just want my friends to accept him and be happy for me, instead of giving me dirty glares whenever they see me with him. I really really like him and I don't want to lose him. He's also my first boyfriend. Please helps me, I don't know what to do. How can I get my friends to accept him? Should I listen to them and break up? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!

[Savemysoul]

Whoops I'm new to the website, srry I didn't mean to post it as a reply. I'm just looking for help too.

[Johanna]

Welcome to Scareleteen, Savemysoul! Can you go ahead and start a topic of your own? That way, it is easier for us to keep track of who we're talking to

[annie26]

Hey Hypochondriac, I know I'm replying to this a little late, but being from the same nation, I totally understand the situation you are in and this kind of interference by others in your relationship. And boy, does it slowly start influencing your thoughts as well! Well, I just feel from what you've said that the decision to be in this relationship has been a mature one on your part, and your friends need to realize this.
At the end of the day, what matters is your own peace of mind. Does being with the guy make you happy, and is he as committed as you? If it does, then you shouldn't worry about anything else. Your friends should realize that you feel happy being in this relationship, and you also give them enough time. So actually, this relationship is not affecting them negatively in any way! And if they can't realize this, you should be the one to gently explain this to them.
It's been quite some time since you have posted that, so I hope things have worked out in your favor. You may or may not agree to this right now, but everything really DOES happen for the best; just that the 'best' might come soon or a lot later. And always learn from your experiences!