Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 8:22 pm
- Age: 22
- Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
- Primary language: German and English
- Pronouns: He/they and er/ihn/ihm
- Sexual identity: Bisexual
- Location: USA
Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?
Hey everyone, I hope y'all are doing well. I just had a quick question.
I was assigned male at birth and I feel comfortable with that. People use mostly he/him pronouns with me, and that's absolutely fine. Now, I'm also fine with they/them pronouns because, in my mind, they are gender neutral. My question is, and it might sound stupid, does that take away from the struggles of non-binary people?
What I mean by that is I am equally fine with either. She/her pronouns aren't me, but I'm fine with he/him and they/them, those are both me. I know that for some people, only they/them pronouns apply to them and they face a lot of hardship getting other people to use their correct pronouns, but I don't have that issue.
I don't know if this post is making sense. I rewrote this a few times and can't get it how I want. Does this make sense? If not, I can try to explain it more.
I was assigned male at birth and I feel comfortable with that. People use mostly he/him pronouns with me, and that's absolutely fine. Now, I'm also fine with they/them pronouns because, in my mind, they are gender neutral. My question is, and it might sound stupid, does that take away from the struggles of non-binary people?
What I mean by that is I am equally fine with either. She/her pronouns aren't me, but I'm fine with he/him and they/them, those are both me. I know that for some people, only they/them pronouns apply to them and they face a lot of hardship getting other people to use their correct pronouns, but I don't have that issue.
I don't know if this post is making sense. I rewrote this a few times and can't get it how I want. Does this make sense? If not, I can try to explain it more.
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 11:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?
Hi SpicyLemon,
I follow what you're saying! I don't think that being comfortable with they/them as well as he/him takes away from non-binary folks. It's not like there's a limited number of they/thems to go around, and that fact that you haven't had a hard time getting people to use either for you when other folks struggle to get their pronouns acknowledged is about the people in their lives refusing to respect them. That's not on you.
As long as you're clear on the fact that your relationship to they/them may be different from other peoples (which it sounds like you are), I think you're good.
I follow what you're saying! I don't think that being comfortable with they/them as well as he/him takes away from non-binary folks. It's not like there's a limited number of they/thems to go around, and that fact that you haven't had a hard time getting people to use either for you when other folks struggle to get their pronouns acknowledged is about the people in their lives refusing to respect them. That's not on you.
As long as you're clear on the fact that your relationship to they/them may be different from other peoples (which it sounds like you are), I think you're good.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 8:22 pm
- Age: 22
- Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
- Primary language: German and English
- Pronouns: He/they and er/ihn/ihm
- Sexual identity: Bisexual
- Location: USA
Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?
Hey Sam, thanks a lot for responding. That helped clear some things up, thank you. 

-
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9911
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for nearly 30 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?
None of us can rep all of us, but as one nonbinary/agender person, I would actually love it if EVERYONE did what you're doing! It would normalize they/them as inclusive and neutral for potentially anyone and everyone to use, and as a much better default than he, she or he/she.
I think what you're doing is supportive of us, not co-opting, so thanks!
I think what you're doing is supportive of us, not co-opting, so thanks!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
-
New post Navigating trying out new pronouns
by Berkeley2003 » Tue Apr 01, 2025 10:58 am » in Ask Us! - 5 Replies
- 265 Views
-
Last post by Latha
Fri Apr 04, 2025 3:57 am
-
-
-
New post How to feel more comfortable during penetration
by Roseangel111 » Sat Mar 08, 2025 9:15 pm » in Ask Us! - 3 Replies
- 4410 Views
-
Last post by CaitlinEve
Sun Mar 09, 2025 2:56 pm
-
-
-
New post Is it normal to be comfortable with AGAB but dislike your genitals??
by mimephobia » Sun Feb 23, 2025 5:06 am » in Got Questions? Get Answers. - 1 Replies
- 38027 Views
-
Last post by CaitlinEve
Sun Feb 23, 2025 10:32 am
-
-
-
New post I have a crush on a friend who I might do a sleepover with — ideas for keeping everyone comfortable and sa
by Asking Queries » Sun Dec 29, 2024 12:28 am » in Relationships - 4 Replies
- 49666 Views
-
Last post by Andy
Mon Jan 27, 2025 6:36 am
-
-
- 2 Replies
- 2508 Views
-
Last post by ls2verice
Tue Mar 25, 2025 11:22 pm