Sensitive Clit...I think?

[Kittycat97]

My husband and I have been together for 13 years (I'm 25), so he is the only person I've had any sexual experiences with aside from masturbating.

I don't THINK I've ever had an orgasm before. He is very good about foreplay and won't stop until I ask him to penetrate me. While he's doing his thing I can feel my orgasm building, but then my clit suddenly becomes too sensitive and I ask him to stop. Then we begin penetrative sex and right as I'm building again...he finishes.

We are working on things for his stamina (suggestions welcome) and I'm assuming there won't be any issues there moving forward, but why do I become overly sensitive during foreplay??

Anything I can do?

[Elise]

Hi there Kittycat97 and welcome to Scarleteen! Sorry to hear that you're finding things a bit frustrating in terms of experiencing sexual pleasure at the moment.

It might help to read a bit more about the clitoris, and manual sex (which is a more accurate term than "foreplay" as it is actually a kind of sex). As you've discovered, the clitoris is quite sensitive, this is because it has a lot of nerve endings concentrated in it (similar to the head of a penis). This is why most people with a clitoris and vulva are statistically more likely to experience orgasm from clitoral stimulation than internal stimulation. This said, sensory overstimulation that skips over orgasm to "ow" is something that many people experience as well. In those situations, many people find that indirect stimulation (via the surrounding labia/pubic area or thorough some fabric like underwear etc.) either throughout or transitioning to that as sensitivity builds, before it becomes uncomfortable.

Perhaps this is something you could experiment with? You mention you've masturbated before, were you referring to not having had an orgasm via partnered sex before, or have you also not experienced one via masturbation? If you have, it could be beneficial to try mutual masturbation so you can demonstrate what works for you, or if not also try out less direct forms of stimulation yourself too.

On a similar note, if your partner is reaching climax before you do, one thing you could think about creatively is other ways the sex could continue via manual or oral sex for instance. I am going to put some links here that you may find useful. If you have any further questions, curiosities or observations that you'd feel comfortable sharing with us here, please do

• How To Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women
• When the Big O is a No-Show (there is also a great list of related reading at the end of this advice column)
• With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

[Kittycat97]

Thanks!! I was going to say oral sex instead of foreplay, but we usually engage in oral and manual sex combo and I didn't know the term for manual sex, so thanks for that as well!

I actually don't enjoy masturbation very much at all due to a multitude of factors. It is a far better experience with my partner than without, which works for me!

The reading you added at the end really helped! My situation is VERY similar to 'When the Big O is a No - Show' and reading the response to them, I'm thinking maybe I have orgasmed in and I just expected something different based on media or something.

I'll definitely give some tips I've read here a try though, I've found this site very informative.

[Nicole]

Hi Kittycat97, I'm glad that Elise's response resonated with you! Please let us know if you need any further assistance, we are happy to help. Take care!