Wondering About My Gender Identity

[bagel_lover]

Hello, you can call me Al! First things first, I have to say, I love Scarleteen so much. Their advice has helped a lot, and it’s great to find such a fantastic sex-ed site! Thank you, Scarleteen! Ok, so here’s my situation: I’m pretty sure I’m genderqueer but I’m not quite sure. I was born female and haven’t really questioned my gender identity until a year ago, then I’ve been questioning it on and off. I tend to relate more to women than men, but I still don’t relate to women at least half the time lately. I don’t want to be a man in the typical sense, but I want to be called a guy, or a man, or a dude. I want to be able to be called a boy, and to be able to put on makeup. Once I went to a dance in a suit and experienced dysmorphia, but everyone was using she/her pronouns for me and treating me like a girl. A couple weeks ago I dressed in a suit and styled my hair in a male way and thought about people calling me a boy. That made me very happy, so I think maybe it’s more like I want to be called a boy than to dress like a boy and be called a girl. I go back and forth between wanting to be a guy or a girl, or nothing at all, so I think I’m gender-fluid. Once I told my mom that sometimes I feel like a guy, and she said she really doubts I’m trans, because I like wearing makeup and feminine stuff. I don’t like the thought of being a more masculine guy, but I do like the thought of being a more feminine guy. I also want to have a choice, and not feel locked into one gender.

[Latha]

Hi there, flamboyantGuy- I'm so glad to hear Scarleteen has helped you like it helped me. On behalf of the Scartleteam, thank you for the compliment!

First, I want to say that you get to define your gender for yourself- if you think you are genderqueer, you are. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I've heard people express these kinds of thoughts before- wanting to be read as a guy, but wanting to be more feminine than masculine, and going back and forth, identifying with different genders. Some of these people do identify as genderqueer, so it's a good option for describing how you feel.

I think your mother is mistaken though. You don't need to be very masculine to be a transguy- there are feminine cis men, so there can be feminine trans men. Does this make sense?

[bagel_lover]

Yes! Thank you so much, that was really helpful!