feeling pent-up always.

[mothsandmen]

hi. i go by moth on these boards. i'm writing this because, well. half the time, i'm craving sex.

i'm homeschooled, stuck sharing a room with my younger brother, and can never get any alone time to even masturbate (there is only one very small, uncomfortable bathroom; my brother has designated the bedroom as his gaming area). my mom is always home, and my other mom works at home quite a lot. and when they both leave the house, they usually leave both my brother and me at home, affording me no opportunities to even release any of this desire.

my parents don't allow me out of the house on my own, so i have no chance to meet other people. and i refuse to sext with strangers online. i will be starting community college this fall, where many teenagers also go (concurrent enrollment), so i'll finally have a chance to...find someone else as horny as i am??

even when i do masturbate, it still doesn't really satisfy me enough because i also would like to do this with a partner. i end up reading smut simply because visual porn doesn't really do anything for me, and i want to feel actual emotions when absorbing the pornographic media. i really want to have sex with someone but i can't and it's really making me feel pent-up (as i said in the title). i have many thoughts on what i'd like to do, but nobody to enact them with.

i honestly just don't know what to do at this point. someone please give me advice.

[Heather]

Hey there, moth.

It feels to me like there are two things going on here:
1) You not having the privacy you need for your own masturbation/solo sexuality in your home, and
2) Your desire to be with a sexual partner.

These are pretty different things, so let's come at them separately.

In terms of the stuff with your home, what's it like with your folks? Are they the kind of people you could tell that you need more privacy -- maybe by saying why explicitly, or maybe just by saying that you're at a stage of life where having little to no privacy when it comes to your sibling is feeling really restrictive -- and ask for some help working something out? For instance, maybe they could help relocate your brother's gaming area to a room you were not also sharing with him, like a common space?

In terms of finding a partner, that's something with a much longer tail to it. After all, that involves doing things like finding ways to meet people, then getting to know them until you find someone where there is mutual sexual interest. That's something that can often take a while. I don't suppose this is something else where you could talk to your parents about helping you start to find some social opportunities? Even if you didn't want a sexual partner, being so isolated isn't good for anyone. Might they be open, for example, to you doing some volunteering somewhere, or some kind of youth group, or community center engagement? These would be ways to start to meet people. If they are not up for that, well.... at least fall is only a couple months away!

I do want to say that often there just being another person doesn't tend to solve for some of the feelings you are describing. After all, we can have a wide range of sexual experiences, everything from flat-out bad to just unsatisfying to whatever to good to earnestly great. It can also often take some time for people new to each other as partners and new to sex to work out what feels good and satisfying for everyone. I'm just putting that out there to get you thinking a little about your expectations when it comes to this. Even when we do, as you say, meet people as horny as we are, it still can be a journey to get to a place where we are having sex with any of those people that satisfies us.