I can’t stop feeling horrible about my fetish

[Malla_Fluff]

I’ve already made a post here before, and I feel guilty for making another one, but only feel comfortable posting this here.

I have a vore fetish. Yep. Plain and simple. And I hate it. Before you wonder, yes. This is pretty much a fetish for me. Nothing else really does it for me. Sometimes I can force myself to orgasm to other stuff, but it’s usually only when I’ve gone cold turkey for a while. And the orgasm is never quite as good.

I feel really horrible about this. It started when I was young. I was always interested in pregnancy, and big, round bellies. And then one day, as a young child, I found the weird side of YouTube. And I found my first vore video. The reaction was immediate. I got turned on as soon as I watched the video, and discovered how to masturbate by grinding my legs together.

And ever since then? My body has been obsessed. I feel gross, wrong, and completely isolated from everyone else.

Vore has always mainly been about the belly for me. Big bellies already started to get to me, but then discovering a video of someone inside a belly making it big? I don’t really care for people getting swallowed. And I REALLY don’t look for anything with digestion, gore, or other bodily functions. I just focus on the belly. The way it’s big. The way someone is inside there, squirming. I like seeing the movement, the kicks, squirms, the teasing. I like to imagine it feels good for both parties. I think this evolved from pregnancy? Because soft vore is like taking pregnancy up a notch? And is the most intense form of a belly kink for me, which I have always had. TO BE CLEAR: I DON’T LIKE CANNIBALISM.

In other words, I’m an observer. I NEVER put myself in my fantasies. I mostly masturbate by looking at art. That’s it. I don’t want to be eaten, I don’t want to eat anyone, and I’m certainly glad this stuff isn’t possible in real life.

So why? Why do I have to like vore at all? Even if it’s safe vore? Why is it the main thing that turns me on? This is so cringey and uncomfortable for me to just write about. This is very personal for me.

I’ve fallen into deep spiralings of people saying people who are into vore are disgusting, degenerate, horrible, psychopaths. It makes me hate myself more.

How can I ever find a partner? I don’t want this to define me. But who could ever love someone like me?

I swear on my life, that besides this fetish, I’m a normal teenage girl. So it just bothers me so much. Why does this stupid fetish have to be apart of me at all? Why can’t I get turned on by more normal things?

Please tell me. Am I a disgusting human? Am I unworthy of love? Can I really not be considered normal? What’s wrong with me? Will I ever find someone who will love me? How do I stop hating myself? I really need someone to talk to. I promise that I’m a normal person minus this one thing

[Latha]

Hi there, Malla_Fluff

I'm sorry you're experiencing so much distress, but I'm glad you feel safe talking about a subject that is so personal here. You are not disgusting, you are worthy of love, there is nothing wrong with you, and this will not keep you from finding a loving relationship. I promise. I would say this even if you were a 'participant' in these fantasies, because there is nothing wrong with them. At most, this kind of fantasy is just less commonly represented, and less understood by many people than some other fantasies. And because there are so many human beings in this world, there are probably many thousands of people who share this interest. More people than you could ever meet in a whole lifetime.
I would even say these fantasies are normal, though trying to make yourself match some standard of normal isn't the best idea. These standards are often arbitrary, and have more to do with current social trends than what is healthy or expected behaviour for human beings.

Sexuality is complicated and unique to every person, so it would be hard to explain why you developed an interest in soft vore. But it is also possible for your experience of your sexuality to change throughout your life. If you want to find other sexual fantasies, try to explore them from a place of open curiosity, rather than a place of shame and guilt about this interest. That will make it easier to find what feels good.

You don't have to tell anyone about this if you don't want to. However, if we understand that this interest isn't bad, it is definitely possible for you to find a partner who understands that too. This will not prevent someone from loving you. There are people who hold uninformed and cruel opinions about things they don't understand, but you don't need to listen to them.

Do you think you could go back and read Sam and Caitlin's responses from your last post? I think looking back on their advice may help you.