Fear, shame, and anxiety over gender
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2022 7:33 pm
- Age: 27
- Pronouns: They/them
- Location: USA
Fear, shame, and anxiety over gender
Hi, i have a two part question! I was wondering if you have any general advice for someone who is feeling still shame and a bit of denial over settling into my gender identity, specifically leaning into my masculinity. I just feel shame for going against cisnormativity and lot of fear over being deemed attractive. I definitely think fear of being deemed attractive holds me back and tilts me towards considering femininity. I just feel dumb for holding myself back in fear or consideration of what other people think of me. In the end, I’m the one living my experience. I just feel a lot of shame around my trans identity.
My second question is advice around extreme voice dysphoria. I have pretty extreme voice dysphoria that's amplified by my preexisting OCD. Like my discomfort around my voice is something I tend to ruminate over. It's pretty exhausting. I guess my last resort is starting T soon and I have an appt booked for later this month. I guess I'm just fearful about what if it doesn't turn out going the way I want with results?
My second question is advice around extreme voice dysphoria. I have pretty extreme voice dysphoria that's amplified by my preexisting OCD. Like my discomfort around my voice is something I tend to ruminate over. It's pretty exhausting. I guess my last resort is starting T soon and I have an appt booked for later this month. I guess I'm just fearful about what if it doesn't turn out going the way I want with results?
-
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9674
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: Fear, shame, and anxiety over gender
Hey there, Berkeley. Sorry for the wait.
In terms of your first question, what's your own community or support network like? Do you have people in it who, be they cis or trans men, possess masculinities and feelings about them you can talk with? I feel like if you had some more community to talk with about this it would likely help you work through it.
By way of that, I also want to make sure you have seen this piece, which I think offers some of what I have in mind in an editorial way: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... g-yourself
Per the second question, this sounds two-part to me: like something where I'd bring this to treatment for your OCD overall and where I'd also suggest considering things you can do to help you feel better about your voice from a trans POV. T can be one of those things, for sure, but so can gender-affirming vocal training (both are also an option): https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... al-therapy
If it helps, too, to talk with someone who knows a good deal about voices (way before I did this, I was a classical voice student) and has some decidedly nonbinary feelings about the idea that voices do or even must reflect gender and can only do so in very binary and specific ways, I'm down for it.
In terms of your first question, what's your own community or support network like? Do you have people in it who, be they cis or trans men, possess masculinities and feelings about them you can talk with? I feel like if you had some more community to talk with about this it would likely help you work through it.
By way of that, I also want to make sure you have seen this piece, which I think offers some of what I have in mind in an editorial way: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... g-yourself
Per the second question, this sounds two-part to me: like something where I'd bring this to treatment for your OCD overall and where I'd also suggest considering things you can do to help you feel better about your voice from a trans POV. T can be one of those things, for sure, but so can gender-affirming vocal training (both are also an option): https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... al-therapy
If it helps, too, to talk with someone who knows a good deal about voices (way before I did this, I was a classical voice student) and has some decidedly nonbinary feelings about the idea that voices do or even must reflect gender and can only do so in very binary and specific ways, I'm down for it.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
- newbie
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2024 4:27 am
- Age: 17
- Awesomeness Quotient: I think I’m all around pretty epic
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He/Him
- Sexual identity: Gay or maybe Bi
- Location: US
Re: Fear, shame, and anxiety over gender
You’re just like me :0
I haven’t seen anyone else who has ocd like that
I haven’t seen anyone else who has ocd like that
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- 7 Replies
- 4541 Views
-
Last post by Sam W
Fri Mar 22, 2024 7:03 am
-
-
New post Shame surrounding sex/sexual attraction
by carryonamelia » Sun Feb 04, 2024 5:09 pm » in Got Questions? Get Answers. - 4 Replies
- 5337 Views
-
Last post by carryonamelia
Mon Feb 05, 2024 12:27 pm
-
-
-
New post Overcoming feelings of sexual shame
by Shamed » Wed Mar 06, 2024 3:50 am » in Sex & Sexuality - 4 Replies
- 7138 Views
-
Last post by Shamed
Thu Mar 14, 2024 6:18 am
-
-
-
New post How do I let go of intense shame surrounding my kinks?
by Hi :) » Fri Mar 15, 2024 10:45 pm » in Sex & Sexuality - 1 Replies
- 24291 Views
-
Last post by Latha
Sat Mar 16, 2024 2:23 am
-
-
-
New post SEXUAL SHAME IS AFFECTING MY RELATIONSHIPS
by jumbomumbo » Mon Apr 01, 2024 9:46 am » in Ask Us! - 5 Replies
- 2820 Views
-
Last post by Sam W
Tue Apr 02, 2024 11:06 am
-