Decreased libido

[ilikecats28]

I’m having problems with my libido. In these past few weeks or maybe even month, I haven’t gotten sexually excited much. I do think about sexual scenarios and stuff a lot but they don’t give me the same bodily reaction as often anymore. If the scenarios or actions work to get me excited, I had to work really hard for it.

Also, this problem is making me worried about my sexual orientation in an odd way. I believe I’m only sexually attracted to women. Like it’s silly but this issue previously made me worry that maybe it was the fact that I think about women when it comes to sex. Then I tried to imagine having sex with a guy to see if it would get me excited but it didn’t, like usual. I know the worrying about my sexuality probably isn’t actually because of my decreased libido or I’m not gay, it’s that society is heteronormative/it pressures people to test their sexualities.

But why is thinking about sex with girls sometimes warranting the same “absent” or “empty” reaction as guys? It seems wrong because I usually feel like the typical hormonal virgin teen. I’m still obsessed with crushes and stuff like a normal teen but sexually I’ve been so off lately. I don’t know why this is going on. I’d like to hear your thoughts. Thank you

[maille]

Hi ilikecats28,

There are so many factors that can alter our libido, and it can be an ever fluctuating thing. Our founder, Heather, talks more about this in an advice column here. Do any of these questions listed in the column seem relevant to you in regards to a lower libido than usual?

I think you sound very self-aware and spot on about heteronormative pressures in society. Even though you are aware, it can still feel crummy.

Having an 'absent' or 'empty' feeling at the thought of sex with girls (or anyone for this matter) says very little about your sexuality. And, yes, while we think of teenagers as raging with hormonal lust, that truly can look different for everyone. I do not want you to worry that you are abnormal by any means, as that is untrue and also that belief will not help with arousal.

How do you feel after reading the advice column I have linked and this reply?

[ilikecats28]

I think the article has provided me some clarity. It seems like my decreased libido might be caused by stress and low moods. Since school started, I’ve kind of been going through a period of depression and loneliness. I’m under a lot of stress. Also, my self-esteem has been getting worse. But I’m working on it, and my situation is improving.

Thank you for what you said about my sexuality. Girls have always been the only gender that “does it” for me when I masturbate, so having that not work as often is confusing. At the end of the day, I know it’s because of my low libido, not the gender that I’m focusing my sexual fantasies around. It’s just difficult to feel like I could be wrong about not being sexually attracted to guys. Most other girls around me are.

Anyways, I’ve been receiving therapy. I’ve also branched out socially. So overall, my moods are improving. Hopefully, as I make these improvements to my life, my libido can return to normal levels.

[Tara]

Hi, ilikecats28:

I am glad the article Maille shared was helpful for you. I agree that all the factors you have identified for yourself related to physical changes and mood fluctuations will be primary influences for your reducton in libido. I have had this experience as well and in several circumstances throughout my life where I was depressed, stressed, fatigued, etc. The good news is that by working to correct one or several of these life factors, we can improve one or more of the effects positively, such as libido!

I am so glad you are taking the steps to do that, including engaging in therapy to improve your mental health and moods. I think this will also lead to positive changes with your libido. I also found another advice article on depression and libido that you might find insightful: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... lationship

You are doing the right things and taking the right steps to correct this for yourself! Let us know how else we can help support you with this.

[ilikecats28]

Ok, I will make sure to reach out if I have any more concerns