I can’t orgasm without a vibrator

[FoxyCrochets]

Every time I masturbate (almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day) I need to have a vibrator against my clit or else I can’t orgasm. Even during sex I’m unable to orgasm unless I’m the one holding the vibrator for a while. Is there anyway to help? I know my masturbation can be excessive, I have CSBD (compulsive sexual behavior disorder), but I don’t want this to affect me forever.

[lilikoi]

Hi there FoxyCrochets,

Welcome to the boards!

If you want to orgasm without a vibrator, you will need to experiment without one. Vibrators are designed to easily stimulate nerve endings. Trying to create the same sensation without electric wattage just takes more finesse and sometimes more lube and more time. Have you tried much self-exploration without the goal of orgasm? This is a great practice for anyone to do because sex is a full body experience and we lose some of the fun when we focus on just the few spots we know will create an orgasm. You can start by noticing how different sensations feel across your body (things like light touch with a finger or different materials, pressure, etc).

Excessive masturbation associated with a diagnosis is something that will require some specific support from a therapist. Behavior change is tricky. There is so much nuance and contextual factors to consider. Have you spoken with a therapist about your masturbation?

[FoxyCrochets]

Yes, my therapist is the one who said I likely have compulsive sexual behavior disorder and has been working with me on it. I’ve always sort of had a goal to orgasm to release emotions and such, which is why I tend to seek it so often.

[char]

Hi FoxyCrochets! It's good to know that you've been seeing a therapist that can help you deal with compulsive behaviors. If they've been a good fit, I hope you can continue working with them.

Have you checked this article out? It tells you in detail what lilikoi has shared with you in her answer: identifying what typically takes away your attention before and during masturbating, creating an environment that's as comfortable as you can get, noticing each sensation you experience, and taking your time. Here is the article: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

You also mentioned how your masturbation frequency can be excessive. While there's no limit to how much masturbation is "too much," it can be distressing when you feel like you can't control when you masturbate. Has there been any time when masturbating is stopping you from doing the things you want and/or need to do? Additionally, considering you've mentioned orgasming to release emotions--is there a reason that this is your go-to option, compared to other non-sexual activities?

[Heather]

I do also just want to check in to make sure that you know that it's okay if you always need a vibrator to orgasm: if that turns out to be the case for you (be it now, for the next few years, for the next couple decades, or always), you certainly wouldn't be anywhere near the only person that's true for. Now, given how young you are, it's pretty likely this won't always be the case, because over decades, we don't tend to stay the same when it comes to sexual response, and it also often tends to be harder to reach orgasm when we're younger, but even if it was, that wouldn't need to be an issue.

Some people always need a certain kind of sex toy, others a certain kind of dynamic, others still, certain positions, and some people simply need more specific things to orgasm than others, and that's just part of all the variations that exist in human sexuality and sexual response, not problems that need to be fixed. <3