What is Romantic?

[Johanna]

Today we published a review of the film 50 Shades of Grey: 50 Shades Crappier: On Selling Abuse for Valentine's Day

Spoiler alert: We came to the conclusion that the relationship between Christian and Anastasia isn't a terribly romantic, or even healthy one.

And now we are wondering, what films are there out there that are romantic? That feature a couple where both partners are treated as equals and where the relationship between them is one you might asipre to? Do you have a favorite film, or a favorite couple from a TV show or a book? Please share them with us!

[Breeze1892]

The Fault In Our Stars is an obvious choice for me. Yeah, it's a YA novel but in my opinion it just shows how much we can sacrifice for someone that's really important to us.

Eleanor and Park is another perfect example. Loving someone and showing them that they're the best in your eyes even when they can't see it just shows what love should be in my opinion. For someone that's got a low self esteem like Eleanor, hearing someone tell me that I'm the best to them even with my faults and imperfects in my opinion should be what romantic books should be like.

Haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey (and I don't plan to) but some of my friends have and all they talk about is the abuse contained in the book. As much as I think everyone's got their kinks, controlling someone like they're your pets and asking them to be totally submissive without questioning your actions doesn't seem like a romantic relationship to me.

[Keda]

It's a bit of an obscure one, but I really like the romance between Ezri and Jean in Red Seas Under Red Skies, by Scott Lynch. It doesn't bow to any of the traditional romance tropes: Ezri is first mate on a pirate ship, Jean is her freed captive. All the dialogue and description of them together is a wonderful depiction of two people who just really, really enjoy being around each other. Whereas FSoG is all scenes which depict Christian and Ana finding each other baffling and unlikeable, and the only way you know they supposedly love each other is because the author explicitly says so in Ana's monologues; with Jean and Ezri, the author never explicitly says they love each other, but it's clear as day in the way the characters interact, and the end of the relationship had me in tears (I won't say what happens in case anyone plans to read the book - do it! )

I also really like the way that sex between those two is portrayed. They start off having a fairly casual hookup, which ends up becoming part of a romantic relationship, but if they hadn't ended up together it would have stayed casual - and all the way through, their sexual relationship is honest and comfortable; and the writing combines rough, raunchy sex with emotional affection and care. It's just a really happy, satisfying read. Apart from the aforementioned tears.


(It also doesn't hurt that Ezri is black, there are at least a few gay shipmates who get no flak for it, the captain is also a woman who is both a badass pirate and a wonderful mother to her two kids, and the key romantic story is given to Jean - a secondary character. I just love Scott Lynch's books in general.)

[Ashleah]

I'm loving Bow and Dre Johnson right now from Black-ish. It feels real and relatable. When they have disagreements you get to see each of them process it for themselves, accept the role they played and take accountability for their feelings, and then come together as a couple to figure everything out. They have small spats, but handle them in a healthy way or acknowledge when they do not and commit to doing better. I like the family dynamic as well. I think relationships must adapt once children or any live change happens and it's nice to see how they navigate that in a non-stereotypical way. Plus they are hilarious.

[Heather]

Wall-E is one of my favorite movies of ever, and not only can you view it as a romance, it also is gender-neutral and isn't heteronormative, besides!

[Sam W]

Gomez and Morticia Addams for me (either from the movies or the old T.V show). They have so much respect for each other, plus they're explicit about how much they love and desire each other.

[TheConfusedOne]

Spirited Away had a huge impact on me. There was nothing adult in it, yet, the meanings and emotions are helluva deep. Because it's a cartoon, many may feel like it's just a childish puppy love thing going on, but that's not what was portrayed to me. Kohaku cared so much for a tiny human girl that it actually hurts to watch it happen. What is Romantic, you ask? Romance is when something happens with full of positive emotions, and yet, it can be as simple as cuddling or stealing food off each other's plate (my fav activity! Nomnom!) . It's when you care about someone else so much that you don't think about anything else but sharing those positive emotions.

[Sunshine]

Forgive me for digging up this older thread, but the subject is so interesting to me...

What is romantic? That's such a difficult question, actually! I have an intuitive sense of what "romantic" means and I am pretty sure I am a romantic, but how to actually define that...?

In a dictionary, I found this:
"Romantic: marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized"

That sounds about right for me. First of all, because it doesn't limit romance to sexual relationships and secondly because it involves the words "imaginative" and "idealized".

For me, romance is something that mostly happens in books, in films, in TV series, in poetry, art, my imagination. It's lovely and, as the dictionary says, emotionally appealing, I just don't think it has that much to do with daily life.

For example, I love the novel Jane Eyre. For me, that is the ultimate romance. Do I think Jane and Mr Rochester have a relationship that I'd want for myself or anyone I care about in real life? Not... really... Although I love how she runs off once she realizes how messed up her situation is and doesn't come back until she and her man are more equal in most ways.

I get the appeal of the central relationships in Twilight or Shades of Grey. I guess those are in the realm of the romantic as well, but my concern for people who might actually confuse these fictional relationships with real ones prevents me from enjoying these particular stories (besides, neither Mr Grey nor Edward turn me on in the least. Sorry, guys).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I love romance (and drama), I doubt that it's a good idea to put romance (and drama) very high on our priority list when we're considering our actual real-life relationships (sexual or otherwise), and I don't think that great fictional couples would really make great real couples. Which is fine! For me, fiction isn't a place I go to for advice on how to live my life but an alternative to reality. It's a place to escape to and explore things that wouldn't be possible and / or wise and / or simply wouldn't work in reality. I'd be sad if all fiction had to be educational and realistic and hold up to real-life standards. That would kind of forfeit the purpose.

Although by talking about the stories we like (or dislike) and considering whether or not they would work out for us if we were really in them, we do often learn a lot, don't we. And I think it's possible to realize that something really romantic would be really awful if it actually happened, but still to enjoy the remote, mysterious and idealized product of someone's imagination.

[Jacob]

Digging up discussion threads is great especially if you have something new to say about them!