This past year, I'd been trying to work through all of that, and start looking for a relationship. I really struggled mentally with my time on the apps and after one date I spent the week dreading (and then bailed after an hour bc I was freaking out), I deleted all the apps and haven't looked back.
Still, I keep having feelings. Usually for people who are unavailable. I'm realizing that the level of emotional intimacy required for a relationship is kind of intimidating to me! And I think part of me worries that, deep down, nobody is going to like who I really am.
On top of that I'm kind of questioning/experimenting with my gender identity. It's not the first time this has happened, but it's adding another layer of...complexity. Not only do I have all this other relationship baggage to deal with (ironic for someone with no relationships to speak of), but now I don't even know what kind of guys would be into me; I guess bi/pan/omni guys, but I feel like maybe it's kind of reductive to need a partner with such a specific sexual orientation just because I have a vague gender.
Part of me wants to just toss the whole romance/relationship/dating thing out the window, but I do have to admit I'd like to experience romance and intimacy one day, even if it doesn't last forever. It just feels...impossible, you know?
I'd love some other perspectives or advice
