Boundaries after Assault

[Thricechanged]

Several months ago I was assaulted by several men at the same time resulting in my needing to deal with flashbacks, triggers, and just certain things not being easy to handle. I continue to hold things together and have never raised flags due to behavior or other noticeable problems, even when around those who know how to look. I can blend, and keep it hidden with some of the best.
The reason I interfaced with that, is because I am hopeful to ask about how to explain without explaining it all to those in a position of authority within the academic system. There is a person who as part of their style of oversight, tends to come close into personal space, such as directly behind (unexpectedly), leaning over shoulder, to where there isn't even space to really move off without diving sideways when they are checking in. I can recognize that normally what their actions are, would be perfectly fine for the majority of people, however despite knowing that information, when it occurs I am terrified and thus the rest of that day becomes much more difficult. There are others as well who come deep into personal space, but those who are my peers I can deal with as it is a much easier question to ask them to back off, than to ask someone who is of a higher ranking.

To sum up my question, and please pardon my english,

Do any of you know how to explain my need for space, and personal boundaries within it, without raising too many red flags or causing an overseer to push for many more answers?

[Eddie C]

Hello there, Thricechanged!

I can understand that asking for what you need -- like setting limits and boundaries -- is not an easy thing to do sometimes. Saddly, there is no magic way to make it easier, but the good news is that with some practice you can get use to do it.

The thing is, we need to understand that however people reacts to our limits is something that we just can't control. And what really matters is: a) to know what we need, b) honor those feelings, c) despite how people react, keep honoring our feelings.

Truth is, you don't have to give any explanations when you set a limit, you know? Not if you set it to a peer or to an authority. If you say something like: "please don't breath in my ear" and someone asks you "why"; "because I don't like it" should be enough. And you can always be very polite when you say things like this, it doesn't mean you are trying to pick a fight. If someone keeps asking "why", the answer remains the same. Probably you can add something like: "because I don't like it and I don't need another reason". I know this can be easier said than done, believe me, but to be honest, raising "red flags" shouldn't be part of your worries. People who don't respect limits without questioning your simple right to set them, those are the people who should raise red flags. People are going to think what they want no matter what you do. We are only responsible of what we say and not of what people understand.

Kudos to you for taking care of yourself in a way that is not always easy but is deeply needed. Regardless of anyone's history.