One night stand & STDs

[Demure]

A little long, I know, but I had to try and get the "important" details in. Please read and give some advice if you can. Also, sorry in advance for some graphic bits.

So, I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I met this guy and we were both pretty attracted to each other and both knew we were just looking to mess around and not necessarily looking for a serious relationship. So, we talk for a couple days then decide to hang out. We planned to go see a movie and get some food (keep in mind it's not a date, just hanging out). So, the movie plan didn't work out so we just ended up getting food and talking some more. After that, we went to a park and listened to some music and started making out in his car. Things got pretty hot so we decided to go somewhere where nobody was around, so we left the park. Once we found a place we started making out again and he started fingering me. After a while his pants are down and I'm giving him oral. This was my first time giving oral. He asked if he could cum in my mouth and I said no so when he was about to, I backed away. We rested some then he started kissing over me again and fingering me more and told me he wanted me to do it again. So I did...and he asked again if he could cum in my mouth and asked if I wanted to spit it out. This time I agreed and said I would spit it out. And I did. So that's basically the story. Before any of this happened he told me he has always used protection when he had sex except with 2 girls. I was extremely stupid, careless, irresponsible, pretty much everything for not asking him if he had any STD's or getting testing. So, you don't have to tell me how stupid I was, I KNOW. I was in a bad place and I just wanted attention and to experience all of this.

After all this happened, he took me home and we hugged and kissed and that was it. Fast forward 3 days, and I have not heard a word from him. Now I know it was a one night stand kind of thing and I can't expect to hear back from him but I'm just reallyyyy scared that maybe he gave me something. I never really asked him if he had anything, I just assumed..so stupid. We never had sex, just oral sex and I didn't swallow. I just want to stop worrying about it but I can't. I really have been thinking about texting him but I don't know what to say. It's not that I fell in love with him or anything, I just want to ask him discreetly about any STD's. Once again, I know there's nothing I can do about it now really since it's in the past, and I'm an idiot for being so careless, BUT I need to know.

I'm sorry I ended up writing so much but I had to get it out there, I haven't told anyone, and I'm not going to. What I did is totally not me, just not something I would ever do...I was just in a bad place. But I reallyyy need some advice on where to go from here. What do I text him without sounding ridiculous??? Could I have gotten something from just oral? PLEASE help. Thanks so much if you read all of this, I appreciate it so much!!

[Heather]

We would never call someone stupid here, just so you know. You took risks you didn't want to take. You don't need us to tell you that, you know that already.

So, yes, oral sex poses risks of some STIS. Swallowing or not doesn't change that, it's only using a condom or not that does, so for future refernce, if you want to reduce your risk of STIs with oral sex, that's how you do that.

Asking him about his status actually isn't your next step, especially since if he doesn't get regularly tested, that is irrelevant, and not how you find out your own STI status. Where you can go from here with this is just to get yourself tested, and then, as we do once we have started being sexually active, you just get in the habit then of regular testing on a schedule that fits your sexual history and current sexual life.

Per the when of testing, you can do that in a few weeks, if you like (incubation periods for infections vary, but a few weeks is a good starting place for a first test). Do you need help knowing where to go for that?

[Demure]

We would never call someone stupid here, just so you know. You took risks you didn't want to take. You don't need us to tell you that, you know that already.

So, yes, oral sex poses risks of some STIS. Swallowing or not doesn't change that, it's only using a condom or not that does, so for future refernce, if you want to reduce your risk of STIs with oral sex, that's how you do that.

Asking him about his status actually isn't your next step, especially since if he doesn't get regularly tested, that is irrelevant, and not how you find out your own STI status. Where you can go from here with this is just to get yourself tested, and then, as we do once we have started being sexually active, you just get in the habit then of regular testing on a schedule that fits your sexual history and current sexual life.

Per the when of testing, you can do that in a few weeks, if you like (incubation periods for infections vary, but a few weeks is a good starting place for a first test). Do you need help knowing where to go for that?

Thank you for responding. I know I was going to get tested soon but no, I'm not really sure how to go about it. So yes, I do need some guidance. Also, do you think I should even contact him at all? Not necessarily about his status but just in general.

[Heather]

Mind sharing your zip code? With that, I can locate clinics near you.

Per contacting him, again, the status question is pretty irrelevant, especially after the fact. So, it seems to me contacting him is really about if you want to pursue sex with him again, or anything further. How do you feel about that? What do you want?

[Demure]

Mind sharing your zip code? With that, I can locate clinics near you.

Per contacting him, again, the status question is pretty irrelevant, especially after the fact. So, it seems to me contacting him is really about if you want to pursue sex with him again, or anything further. How do you feel about that? What do you want?

My zipcode is 76013.

And I'm not really for sure. In a way I just feel used. I did have fun with him even though things were a little fast. But I think I wouldn't mind seeing him again and being more prepared and protected.

[Heather]

For the testing, looks like you have a Planned Parenthood near you: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health ... -treatment

With this guy, it sounds like you probably won't feel so great about casual sex again, since you say you felt used. So, how about reaching out to him and asking him to hang out with you doing something where that isn't even an option?

[Demure]

For the testing, looks like you have a Planned Parenthood near you: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health ... -treatment

With this guy, it sounds like you probably won't feel so great about casual sex again, since you say you felt used. So, how about reaching out to him and asking him to hang out with you doing something where that isn't even an option?

Okay, thank you. That sounds like a good idea but I don't know how to even start another conversation with him.

[Demure]

Deleted.

[Heather]

Well, how did you connect and set up a date/hangout the first time? Or, how do you ask a friend to go do something with you?

However you did this before, or ask friends about doing something, that's how you do it with this, in a word.

That said, if you feel so uncomfortable with this guy you don't even feel able to make a call and ask him to so something with you, and like you have to wait on him to call you, then given how you felt about the last time and these feelings now, it may be that this feels so hard because this just isn't someone you feel comfortable with at all. And if that is the case, I would suggest you listen to those feelings and figure this guy just may not be a good fit for you at all. You said you were in a bad place even just a few days ago, so it may also be you still are, and that usually isn't a good time for any of us to be trying to pursue something new because our judgement is usually way off at times like that, and same goes for our ability to start relationships that are healthy and good for us from the start.

I would add that if, in all of this, you have felt like the only way you could even try and contact him was by having an excuse, of sorts, that is some kind if crisis, like asking for his STI status after the fact, that is another strong clue that either this guy is just not someone that feels comfy for you (at the start of things, new relationships should feel pretty easy and chill), or you just may need to work on your own assertiveness and self-confidence - and on whatever has had you in a bad place - some more before dating, period, feels right for you.

[Demure]

Well, how did you connect and set up a date/hangout the first time? Or, how do you ask a friend to go do something with you?

However you did this before, or ask friends about doing something, that's how you do it with this, in a word.

That said, if you feel so uncomfortable with this guy you don't even feel able to make a call and ask him to so something with you, and like you have to wait on him to call you, then given how you felt about the last time and these feelings now, it may be that this feels so hard because this just isn't someone you feel comfortable with at all. And if that is the case, I would suggest you listen to those feelings and figure this guy just may not be a good fit for you at all. You said you were in a bad place even just a few days ago, so it may also be you still are, and that usually isn't a good time for any of us to be trying to pursue something new because our judgement is usually way off at times like that, and same goes for our ability to start relationships that are healthy and good for us from the start.

I would add that if, in all of this, you have felt like the only way you could even try and contact him was by having an excuse, of sorts, that is some kind if crisis, like asking for his STI status after the fact, that is another strong clue that either this guy is just not someone that feels comfy for you (at the start of things, new relationships should feel pretty easy and chill), or you just may need to work on your own assertiveness and self-confidence - and on whatever has had you in a bad place - some more before dating, period, feels right for you.

All that you said is very true. I don't know why I'm wanting to see him again. Where I am right now is not a place I should be in if I'm wanting to start a relationship. I'm not ready for a relationship. As for him, from what I can tell neither is he. I honestly didn't feel that comfortable with him, but he gave me attention and complimented me. Even though it was all very dumb, I learned from it.

Thank you again for all your help. I truly appreciate it!

[Heather]

Glad to be of help.

I hope that whatever you're going through lately that's got you in a crap place comes to an end for you soon. Sounds like you're pretty fantastic at being honest with yourself and assessing your own stuff, but if you have anything else you want to talk through, just give a shout!