23 and Can't Date

[catlady123]

Here's the thing, I am already 23 years old yet my parents won't allow me to date. I came from a conservative Asian family who thinks that dating will lead to sex and sex will lead to unwanted pregnancy or dating=pregnant. I have tried giving clues to my mom that I want to start dating already but her reactions clearly indicate that she doesn't want me too. I see no other reason for her not to allow me to date because I am already 23, I graduated College already, plus I am already a mature and responsible adult.
Now there's this guy that I've liked since forever and after so many years he finally noticed me and asked me if I could go on a date with him. But as a very respectful daughter, I wouldn't want to "date" this guy without my mom knowing since it can hurt our relationship if ever she caught me with a guy.

Whenever I talk about relationships, she would immediately become furious then not talk to me for hours. Yet when I do not talk about it, she says that when looking for a man, we should know that man first. How can I know if the man is who the man I need if i dont date him if she's not giving me a go signal to date. Or at least a slight hint that I can date. My older brother and older sister is allowed to date. My younger sister has a boyfriend (my mom doesn't know). I do not know why I am not allowed to when in fact I am the most diligent son/daughter they have! I do not know what to do. I want to talk to them about it but IDK how to start the conversation. I feel like they will just get disappointed and not talk to me for weeks or get angry and throw plate on my face.

Please give me an advice on what to do and what to say. At this point, I am starting to accept the reality that I will become a catlady (you know, single grandmas with cats).

PS. she also thinks that 23 years old is a very young age to date. But my older brother and sister were allowed to date when they were 16 and 18 respectively

[Heather]

Are you still living at home? And if so, is moving out and becoming more independent - so you get this freedom - an option for you?

Also, when you say things like your parents throwing a plate at your face, are you saying you live in an abusive home?

[catlady123]

Yes I am still living with my parents. It is actually part of our culture wherein girls really dont move out of the house until they get married. Married women has to live together with the family of their husbands. Plus, I still cannot financially support myself since I am just earning too little to actually pay for my own rent, etc. She allows me to go out with friends and all. This is the only restriction

"Throwing a plate" is more figurative. No physical abuses happen in our house. "Throwing a plate" for me meant that my mom could get so disappointed and angry (but not to the point of Physical abuse) because of me dating.

I wanted to know what is the best way to convince my mom into allowing me to date.

[Heather]

I understand.

Do you have the kind of relationship with her where you can ask her to sit down with you and talk about this? If so, I would think a good start would be to ask her if she'd just explain her rationale to you for having such different standards and rules for you than your siblings have had.