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My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
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We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.
Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.
Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.
Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.
Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
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My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
I really am kind of used to it, when it happened consistently. But it caught me by surprise and I'm having issues. I'm also be compared to people who she went to school with. Including two gay, feminine guys; one of which brought a gun to the school because of him being bullied.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
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Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Hi Kittypink,
I'm so sorry she did that, and that she's done it enough times that it's normal for you. You deserve to live in a space where you're not being constantly antagonized, and it sucks that you don't. With the issues your having, can you tell us more about them? Is there something in particular we could help with?
I'm so sorry she did that, and that she's done it enough times that it's normal for you. You deserve to live in a space where you're not being constantly antagonized, and it sucks that you don't. With the issues your having, can you tell us more about them? Is there something in particular we could help with?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
As far as those issues, I'm just running on fumes and I just really need like some uplifting words, or something. And a funny thing with the antagonization, I'm being told I only come to antagonize people. I'm not sure what you could help with.Sam W wrote:Hi Kittypink,
I'm so sorry she did that, and that she's done it enough times that it's normal for you. You deserve to live in a space where you're not being constantly antagonized, and it sucks that you don't. With the issues your having, can you tell us more about them? Is there something in particular we could help with?
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
I wonder if you have tried visualizing -- or even just writing out, like a story -- your life after you are able to leave home. In other words, as much as this stinks, it is temporary, and there is a life for you on the other side of it that doesn't have to involve your family if they are going to be this way. Does daydreaming about it help you get through at all? It often can when trying to get through a life that, in the present, blows.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
I daydream a lot, to begin with. I've never wrote about my life after leaving on my own. I have visualized it, post-18 and also by magical miracles getting emancipated (though no magic involved, at least that I know of.) With the emancipation, the visualization often is a little bit more of a fantasy, than actually plausible.Heather wrote:I wonder if you have tried visualizing -- or even just writing out, like a story -- your life after you are able to leave home. In other words, as much as this stinks, it is temporary, and there is a life for you on the other side of it that doesn't have to involve your family if they are going to be this way. Does daydreaming about it help you get through at all? It often can when trying to get through a life that, in the present, blows.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9687
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
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- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Do you want information about emancipation, or to talk about things you can start doing to make that possible for you in time?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
I already looked at info for emancipation, it's not possible in my state, unless it's a special circumstance.Heather wrote:Do you want information about emancipation, or to talk about things you can start doing to make that possible for you in time?
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9687
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Argh, Ohio. I swear.
Okay, so looks like this is all about just figuring out how you're going to get through the next few years at home, then, unless you can think of another option (like asking a family member who might be more supportive to live with them).
IME, as someone who had to bide their time in an abusive home before they could leave (I left just before I turned 16, but not legally, so it was a highly risky situation, but I even has to wait a while for that opportunity), I know how this slog can go, and how long it can feel like it's dragging on. In my experience, looking back, I feel like just doing all I can to get through each day, and keep my sense of self fully intact each day, was what got me through it. I did do a lot of daydreaming and planning for when I left -- particularly so the moment I could, I was completely ready for it, so wouldn't miss that opportunity. I also did all I could to get additional support (did you ever follow up with that group I linked you to? If so, what's up with that situation and possible source of help?). I did all I could to use my outlets for my feelings. For me, those were music, writing and art, not sure what they are for you.
Okay, so looks like this is all about just figuring out how you're going to get through the next few years at home, then, unless you can think of another option (like asking a family member who might be more supportive to live with them).
IME, as someone who had to bide their time in an abusive home before they could leave (I left just before I turned 16, but not legally, so it was a highly risky situation, but I even has to wait a while for that opportunity), I know how this slog can go, and how long it can feel like it's dragging on. In my experience, looking back, I feel like just doing all I can to get through each day, and keep my sense of self fully intact each day, was what got me through it. I did do a lot of daydreaming and planning for when I left -- particularly so the moment I could, I was completely ready for it, so wouldn't miss that opportunity. I also did all I could to get additional support (did you ever follow up with that group I linked you to? If so, what's up with that situation and possible source of help?). I did all I could to use my outlets for my feelings. For me, those were music, writing and art, not sure what they are for you.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
My family is kinda not really an option, the only other idea would be seeing about maybe living with a friend's family.
As far as planning, I need to catch-up with setting a base for the later years. (Oh, and how to move my finances to use savings to the best possible value.) That group probably isn't a likely idea.
As far as planning, I need to catch-up with setting a base for the later years. (Oh, and how to move my finances to use savings to the best possible value.) That group probably isn't a likely idea.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
One step then might be to start feeling out the social supports you do have and seeing what needs they can fill as you wait this out and once you make your escape (for instance, who is an amazing sounding board and who has a couch you could sleep on in an emergency).
When you talk about setting a base for the years ahead, what would that include for you beyond securing your finances?
With the group, am I remembering correctly that the hitch was getting there?
When you talk about setting a base for the years ahead, what would that include for you beyond securing your finances?
With the group, am I remembering correctly that the hitch was getting there?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Well, while I'm looking for a place and saving the money up I'll either cohabituate or just crash at a friend's house. As far as setting that base, I just mean a general game plan. (Like where to go, or how to manage things like jobs and moving and college. Speaking of college, that's the fun part... I need to find a way to pay for that.)
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Got it. I think, then, when you're daydreaming or writing about the future where you've gotten out, that's a really useful space to test-run some of that planning (that's not to say the exercise of dreaming isn't useful all on it's own, because it so is).
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Given I have the adaptability of dreaming of either complete fantasy or realistically with this, I could set parameters to test run some of that planning. Not to mention I could simulate it writing it out.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...
Those sound like excellent ideas
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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