Sex was NOT pain-free!

[TheConfusedOne]

Hi again,

For those who don't remember, or don't know, I had some problems with lube a while ago. For some reason, it burned the moment it went past the opening to my vagina. Since realising this, we stopped using that lube.

I wouldn't and haven't considered myself a virgin for a long while now. My ex-fiance, who is now my hubby, and I have tried penetrative sex before. But with the burning of the lube and the fact that he was... large... (he IS my first penis), only his head ever got past my opening. I was never able to allow the rim of his head to get inside, because it was quite painful and yes, I was nervous. We were also not yet married at that time, which added to my nervousness lol.

So we stopped trying. I insisted on trying again only after finding lube that didn't burn. We found said lube last weekend. Today, we decided to try again. He managed to get in... but holy COW did that hurt! I was very aroused, no issue there. Plenty of lube, a whole bottle of it infact. He even said I was wide open because I was plenty relaxed. Being married finally also meant that didn't affect me. I was still nervous, but only about the pain... which did happen.

Why? Will this happen again? How do I make sure it doesn't? From all I've read, arousal and lube are the main ingredients to pain-free. What can I do if they don't help?

He slid in fine, a LOT easier than before with the previous lube, so it's not a dryness issue. There was no bleeding either, which is nice. I don't want to experience that burn again. It was a HUGE turn off! Is it just that I have to practice with a tapered dildo or something to stretch me out? I *am* kinda petite, being Asian and all.

[Sam W]

Hi ConfusedOne,

Hooray for finding a lube that works, but oh no for there still being some pain. There are some really detailed suggestions (including lube and arousal, but some other really helpful ideas as well) in this article: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

As you start eliminating factors like arousal or need for lube as the culprit, it might be time to go to a healthcare provider for a check-up, to see if there's a physical or medical component to all this. Barring giving birth, vaginas don't really get stretched out. But, if you wanted to, practicing and experimenting with dildo could help you figure out if there are angles or positions that are more comfortable for you.

[Iwanthelp]

Might be worth looking into vaginusmus http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vaginismus/ (nsfw link, the comics' had its' problems over the years but this entry is solid as far as I know).

There's some articles on the whole size myth as well.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... s_shall_we

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... e_for_real

[TheConfusedOne]

Hi ConfusedOne,

Hooray for finding a lube that works, but oh no for there still being some pain. There are some really detailed suggestions (including lube and arousal, but some other really helpful ideas as well) in this article: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

As you start eliminating factors like arousal or need for lube as the culprit, it might be time to go to a healthcare provider for a check-up, to see if there's a physical or medical component to all this. Barring giving birth, vaginas don't really get stretched out. But, if you wanted to, practicing and experimenting with dildo could help you figure out if there are angles or positions that are more comfortable for you.

I've read that article before, and can rule out most of those listed, especially now that I'm actually married lol, the whole ethical "being a good girl" thing is out the window.

I have yet to visit a gyno due to my hubby's insurance taking forever to sort things out, but once that is done, I plan to do so. I do hope it's nothing serious. That brings up an idea though: would ocp have side effects like this? I heard that they can indeed dry the vagina out as well as reduce libido. Does this mean it wouldn't have mattered if I poured the whole bottle of lube in me, I would still burn?

And well, I didn't mean stretch me out like a balloon, but more like get used to a bigger girth? We've already found which angles work best through use of fingers, though is that something that can change with a dildo?

[TheConfusedOne]

Might be worth looking into vaginusmus http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vaginismus/ (nsfw link, the comics' had its' problems over the years but this entry is solid as far as I know).

There's some articles on the whole size myth as well.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... s_shall_we

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... e_for_real

I have thought about viginusmus, and it's very possible, but I would need a gyno to confirm that. As for size, my labia minora is actually quite... I don't wanna say tight, but... I don't have much skin there. I know the muscles INSIDE the vagina can stretch (otherwise, we can't give birth!), but can the labia stretch to THAT extent? A couple months ago, that was where the pain was, my skin on the outside of my vagina, when the rim of his head couldn't get past. Still, the burning seems to be coming from inside rather than my labia, so I don't know... All I know for now, is that he gets really big when erect and before last night, I have never had anything that big in me because it had always been waaaay too painful to even try, even with lube.

Like for example, when he bought the previous lube, he also bought me a vibrator that I can insert. The first time I tried inserting the toy, I couldn't do it, it was too big. The next time I tried, I managed to get it in, but it still hurt. I tried again on Wednesday, to test out the new lube, it slid right in, no problems, no pain. He also tells me that I look a LOT wider than I did couple months ago... Strange? I think so! XD

[Karyn]

If any kind of vaginal entry has always been painful for you, then vaginismus might be a possibility, but it's also possible that you have a particularly resilient hymen (now more accurately called the corona). Most of the time, the coronal tissue is thin and stretchy, but for some folks it's a bit thicker and/or not as stretchy it can cause some pain with vaginal entry even when the person is very aroused and using plenty of lube. That said, this is something that - like vaginismus - you would need a gynecologist to confirm, so it's good that you're planning on visiting one. When you see them, you can also ask if your birth control could be contributing to your pain (although I would be surprised if that were the whole cause here; hormonal methods can mean that a bit of extra lube is needed, but that usually solves the problem).

Until you can see a gyn, I'd advise not having any kind of sex that's painful, just because that can set you up for a vicious cycle of having difficulty relaxing because you're expecting pain, so that sex is painful, so you get more tense, etc.

[TheConfusedOne]

Interesting. I haven't thought about my hymen being thicker... I've rode horses for 3 years, and had problems with splitting my skin and labia due to beginner issues, so I always thought that would thin my hymen out, along with the fact that menstruation tends to erode it too...

Thinking about it, I have had a LOT of issues before in regards to vaginal entry. I've always favoured clit masturbation not because I don't feel much in my vagina, but because a couple years ago, before I met my hubby, just attempting to insert my own fingers was painful... (he had to kinda "train" me over the years to be more comfy with fingers, since his hands are large too) and this was before taking ocp and IIRC, I had plenty of natural lubricant back then... I have always thought it was just being "petite" and inexperienced. Looks like I have lots to talk about with the gyno! o.O

Thanks for the idea. I'll update when I visit the gyno and see what they say. Guess lube alone is not always the answer lol

[Karyn]

You're welcome! Hope the visit with the gyno goes well and you're able to get some answers.