Is it disrespectful for my boyfriend to say he wants to fuck me?

[allthestars]

I need help- I'm an adult/university student, but recently while I was visiting my parents I left my phone out and my mom caught a glimpse of a sext from my boyfriend, which she is very angry about; she's been arguing that I need to break up with him because she thinks he's disrespectful.

The phrase my mom took issue with is that my boyfriend (who I have a healthy sexual relationship with) texted that he wanted to "fuck me," and my mom thinks this is very disrespectful. This is a phrase I normally use with him and vice versa, and I had no issue with it. I tried to explain to my mom that it's likely the meaning has changed over time and that people commonly say things like this now, but she would have none of it.

I need advice- is there something I can tell her to make things better? Is speaking like this actually disrespectful and something I should not do with my boyfriend? I should note that he is actually very respectful towards me and never does anything that I don't want him to.

The situation is creating major issues in my relationship with my mom. She wants me to go to her therapist with her to talk things out "under mediation," but I'm afraid, as the therapist is a much older person, that it will also be difficult for her to see my point of view. Any advice would be much appreciated!

[Karyn]

If this is language that you and your boyfriend use with each other, and you're both comfortable with it, then it's not disrespectful at all. Different people have different terms that they're most comfortable using to talk about sex, and as long as everyone involved is okay with those terms and knows what they mean, then there isn't a problem. Too, language in general does shift and change over time, with some words and phrases taking on new meanings or becoming more common: I'd say that you're absolutely right that "fuck me" is pretty commonly used these days and it's seen as much less offensive than it might have been in the past.

As for dealing with your mom, it might help to explain that you and your partner both use this phrase, you've agreed between you that you're both comfortable with it and there's no disrespect intended or inherent in your use of it. On top of that, you're an adult and free to make your own relationship choices, and while your mom is your parent and that comes with a level of concern about your wellbeing, extending that concern to interfering in your personal relationships is crossing a big boundary.

[allthestars]

Thank you so much! This is really helpful!

[Karyn]

Glad to help!