Gonna turn 16 soon and I am kinda confused ?

[Talia]

Hi I am turning 16 this year and I guess I wanted to try involving my self in some sexual activities with my boyfriend (he's so cute !) but my mother doesn't tell me much as she is ashamed and our school didn't cover sex ed. I believe porn isn't a place to learn and I found a lot of mixed info online. However your site has been so informative ! I just had a couple of questions and you amazing people seemed like the people to ask !

Firstly, I haven't engaged in sexual activity yet. I am about to
These are some questions of mine :-

1) I plan on using proper protection, so do you guys recommend 2 methods of protection or just one would be fine if done completely properly ?

2) As much as I read from your site, the only and ONLY way to possibly create a pregnancy risk (without any protection at all of course).. Is EITHER
*Intercourse (Penis in vagina sex) OR
*DIRECT rubbing of genitals OR
*DIRECT contact with ejaculate.
Right ? Those are the only ways in which there is a viable risk....Other than that it is next to impossible ? Like if my boyfriend, Jack tries dry humping me and even if a little precum (which could contain sperm although very less amount, thanks to the information found on your site !) gets in me or deep inside me, it wouldn't pose a risk at ALL ? (I haven't done it yet but he has this OCD thing so if he gets worried I can console him )

3) I love him alot and I am sure he doesn't carry any STD's but a condom can prevent that too right ?

4) Last question for my silly lil bf He said yesterday that in the late night he cummed in his shorts then he scooped the cum out and went to wash his hands with scooped cum in it..( I know..gross) He washed his hands but before washing he touched the toilet latch, then the sink's tap,washed, then he peed and might've got some cum on the toilet seat ( He said it was on his foreskin... Sheesh, talk about worrying !) Then my dummy bf went to sleep as he was super tired and it was late... 6 hours after waking he found out his mom and sister just used the washroom a while back and he really freaked out on me ! Now he is nervous and he doesn't ever want to cum again and I am sad.... I told him that sperm doesn't survive that long cause it might've been like 6 hours later that his folks used it. I told him according to your site, sperm aren't that hardy and require proper conditions to survive. Poor guy thinks that the sperm mixed with water was wet and thus remained active and in the morning his sister could've possibly touched herself like that and I felt so sorry for him.. Could you guys just confirm that it doesn't work that way ? I'll show this to him he will be really happy then ! Just if you could confirm the fact that even if sperm mixes with water it cannot possibly survive for 6 hours... that'd be dead sperm haha !
Poor guy has been working himself up lately .... the school nurse said so too !

Thank you for your blessed work ! You guys are literally the best !

P.S I showed him your site today ! He's been reading so much that he hasn't paid any attention to me

[Sam W]

Hi Talia,

Glad you're finding the site helpful You're right about what does and does not pose a pregnancy risk, and we do recommend combining two methods of birth control to decrease the risks of pregnancy as much as possible. We talk about the different combinations of birth control here: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method . With STIs, a condom will protect against them in most cases although it's helpful know the situations where it wouldn't, which you can see here: HPV & Herpes: Why Safer Sex Isn't Always Safe Enough . Will this be the first sexual interaction of any kind for both of you?

Given that your boyfriend seems to have a lot of anxiety around pregnancy, have the two of you discussed how that anxiety might effect or be effected by the two of you being sexual? If he's anxious about things like sperm on a faucet handle, it's likely that actual sexual behavior could make those fears worse if he doesn't have a plan for addressing them. You two could have a conversation about that along with the other topics in these articles to make sure you both have the same understanding of what your sexual relationship will be like: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

[Talia]

I understand he was scared. I told him that there was no risk about his bathroom thing so he is better now. To ease him into doing stuff with me I told him we will practice things that won't actually cause a risk.So we didn't need any protection either. So he dry humped me while he wore his underwear and I wore mine and then I got so excited I told him to finger me, which took him time to learn but he finally put his finger in me deeply (till he could feel the end ) and properly... It felt so good ! I can't explain how happy I was ! Out of nervousness, he didn't even touch his penis, nor did he cum...Seeing how he only wanted to please me ! (So cute !). Now that we were done, I have to say Sam W, your thoughts about him getting scared were right ! He messaged me a day later telling me that his underwear was tight and maybe his penis stuck out and the pre cum could've seeped through my underwear which could have gotten pushed aside...(I was too excited I couldn't tell) I assured him that it was fine as it wasn't direct....My lil cutie thinks he pushed it deeper when he fingered me and made it easier for sperm to move to my inside....

***I told him the facts and I also told him it has to be absolutely direct. I told him since he didn't ejaculate or even touch my vagina directly with his penis....there is no chance.. Even if his penis (that had pre cum on it) stuck out and touched a gap in me he couldn't have boosted the sperm in precum by fingering or any crap like that. Thus there NEVER WAS ANY RISK.

My First QUESTION : This thing he shows so much worry for ? I can't exactly say if it is anxiety as I never knew anyone who had it...This could be just normal worry right ? I really don't want him to have a mental issue

My Second QUESTION : I don't usually doubt myself ever ! Since I have researched about this a lot and he is trying to find super minute details...Sam W, Am I absolutely right telling him that or is my logic faulty too ?

My Third QUESTION : There isn't any sex ed class here.. Is it awkward if I tell my teacher to brief us about one ? I feel many could benefit from this !

Thank you for clearing my doubts btw ! I read up on the articles you posted in your reply ! Really helpful !

[Sam W]

Hi Talia,

With your first question, that's something only a therapist or counselor could say for sure. Some people do have very deep worries tied specifically to pregnancy that come from their own beliefs and ideas about sex, but deep, hard to get rid of fears can often signal an even deeper issue. You mentioned OCD in your first post, so does that mean he has a diagnosis? If he does, an anxiety disorder can result in irrational pregnancy fears. There's nothing wrong with him if he does have a diagnosis, and people managing anxiety and OCD can and do have happy sex lives. But it may be that he needs to work on managing that anxiety with a therapist, so he can develop tools for dealing with those fears that aren't you reassuring him about risk levels. As much as you're enjoying being sexual with each other, it sounds like you may need to slow down even more while he figures out how to best manage his fears.

I think if there's a teacher you feel comfortable bringing it up with, asking for sex ed to be offered at your school is an awesome idea. There may be rules or laws that actively forbid your school from offering sex ed, but it may be that they simply think there is no need for it and having a student suggest that it would be helpful could lead to them offering it.

[Talia]

Hi, I'm Talia's boyfriend she said I could ask you guys anything since you helped her out alot...
And yes I have OCD but I haven't been properly diagnosed with it medically, I just feel I have it, Like when I am leaving home and I lock the door I check things out a couple of times like I check the gas, the switches and the locks like 6 times or something. Once I opened the door again just to check. I don't know what anxiety is either... Can you guys call this OCD ?
Also I usually mastrubate in my bathroom so I would like to know how powerful my semen would be on these places,
WET toilet seat, WET floor, WET tap ?????
Now since I feel I am OCD ... I constantly wash water over my hands first, my penis second and finally all those above places. However the floor is always wet !!! What am I going to do ? I know sperm doesn't survive long on those surfaces but no one has ever given me a exact figure...atleast a max to max estimate. I haven't even done any sexual activity (Besides the one with my girlfriend but that was in a different house and I didn't cum so I'm pretty chill about it now). Could someone just tell me how long does sperm survive when mixed with water. I washed till I could see only water. No blobs or anything....No white stuff at all.
Also how long can sperm survive under foreskin ? I just throw cold water on it a couple of times till it's clear but you never know.

[Talia]

Also I don't feel like masturbating at all anymore... I have so much stress built up and masturbating relieves it in a second but I don't feel like even touching my penis...Is there any article that shows what conditions the sperm requires to cause a pregnancy ? besides ofcourse these
"As much as I read from your site, the only and ONLY way to possibly create a pregnancy risk (without any protection at all of course).. Is EITHER
*Intercourse (Penis in vagina sex) OR
*DIRECT rubbing of genitals OR
*DIRECT contact with ejaculate.
Right ? Those are the only ways in which there is a viable risk''
I'm sorry to be such a bother it's that i'm curious

[Sam W]

Hi there,

I'm going to ask that you make your own board account and repost this question there. Our site policies require one person per account.