I'm really upset/scared, I find vaginas gross and today I..

[Firefly]

Today I looked at my female genitals for the first time ever and It was super gross.

I've always found genitals disgusting and the idea of something going up there (be it male genitals or tampons) REALLY grosses me out? For me its like nails on a chalkboard or a really disturbing scene from a movie you have to look away at

Anyways, I decided to take my friends advice today because she told me everyone finds their genitals gross and to make them seem normal we have to look at it and realise its normal and beautiful

Today I decided to look at mine and its completely different from what i thought? It's a slit instead of a giant hole and your website says I have to pull apart the skin to see the actual thing but its too gross and I keep crying when I go to look at it, I should not be disguisted this much by my own body

When I was younger I put being grossed out by it as something I would get over when I was ready to have sex and fully matured

And now I'm 18 and while I don't feel ready to have sex I thought I would be over this by now

I can't even pluck up the courage to peel back the skin and look further. I literally just held a mirror underneath it then started to cry because it's disgusting.

This is a really stupid problem and I know there is probably something wrong with me but some advice would be good..

Thank you so much.

[Heather]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with such hard feelings about your own body.

I think the best place to start with things like this is why you think you feel this way. Any sense of where these feelings are coming from? Do you feel this way about any other body parts, internal or external?

[Firefly]

Thanks for replying,

I'm not sure ? I don't feel this way about anything else in my body ? Sometimes my feet gross me out but I don't think that counts

[Heather]

This might take more than a couple minutes of reflection. Perhaps you can figure this is something you need to try and start thinking about and give some real time to, as in days or weeks, rather than minutes?

[Heather]

I figured it might be helpful, if you're having trouble with that, to toss you a few things to think about that are often associated with people feeling this way:
• What kinds of ideas did you grow up with around genitals? Were genitals treated as something normal in your upbringing, or something shameful and hidden in any way?
• Where have you seen genitals before? Was that all wanted exposure? How diverse was that exposure?
• Do you think of genitals being for something more than other body parts? In other words, are genitals supposed to be "for" looking at, more than say, the small of the back? Are they "supposed" to look a certain way for someone else?
• By any chance, do you have any kind of trauma associated with your genitals or genitals in general, like childhood sexual abuse or injury?
• What kinds of expectations do you feel like you have for your genitals they are not meeting? Where have those expectations come from?
• Why do you think you associate being ready to have sex with how you feel about your genitals?