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First time extreme pain

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
Cest la vie
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Location: Sydney

First time extreme pain

Unread post by Cest la vie »

I tried to have sex for my boyfriend for the first time the other day we had been slowly building up to the real thing over time with different foreplay and stuff But as soon as we tried I was in extreme pain. I had expected some pain and discomfort but this was unbearable, we gave up straight away and I burst into tears. I can't think of what to do! I love my boyfriend he's been very patient with me and his main concern has been my comfort, because he's done this before and I have not. We've discussed what we wanted and have been completely safe. I know I definitely want this so why is it so painful? Is it something I just need to push through (though I don't think I could) is there something wrong with me?
Sam W
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Re: First time extreme pain

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Cest la vie,

Ouch, that sounds like it was unpleasant, although I'm glad to hear that your partner is being supportive. We don't really recommend people try to push through something that's causing them pain, especially something like vaginal intercourse that's ultimately supposed to be pleasurable. It's true that plenty of people experience some pain or discomfort the first time they have vaginal intercourse, because they may be tense of may not have enough lube. You can read more about those possible causes, as well as a few others, in this article: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse . Do any of those possible causes seem like they apply to you?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Cest la vie
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 1:31 am
Age: 25
Awesomeness Quotient: That's so specific idk but I like who I am for the
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Heterosexual
Location: Sydney

Re: First time extreme pain

Unread post by Cest la vie »

Thanks sam
The article was helpful in ruling stuff out I know Im clean and we had plenty of lube. Maybe Im not as relaxed as I thought I was that's the only other thing I can think of, any suggestions to fix that?
Thanks
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
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Location: Chicago

Re: First time extreme pain

Unread post by Heather »

Sure.

What do you usually do for yourself in other situations to relax? Can you do some of those things before or during sex with your partner?

Too, do you have any sense of why you might not be feeling relaxed, aside of because of anticipating pain?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Cest la vie
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 1:31 am
Age: 25
Awesomeness Quotient: That's so specific idk but I like who I am for the
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Heterosexual
Location: Sydney

Re: First time extreme pain

Unread post by Cest la vie »

hi heather
honestly no I cant think of any specific reasons I would be anxious.
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: First time extreme pain

Unread post by Sam W »

If you're having trouble coming up with reasons you might be tense or anxious, one thing you can try is to think about ways that you could feel more relaxed or comfortable in the situation (sometimes thinking about what would make you comfortable can help you spot things that are making you anxious). To echo what Heather asked, are there things that help you relax in non-sexual situations that you could introduce into your sexual interactions?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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