AHHH GENDER IS THE WORST

[chonky borb]

ok so this is more of a rant then a question, but I’m kinda freaking out about my gender identity. I’m AFAB and I’ve never wanted to transition or use different pronouns or anything like that. I’ve never really felt a strong connection to any gender identity so I just use she/ her pronouns because it’s easy and I don’t really care but I feel like I would be fine with any and if I was AMAB I would probably use he/him for convenience. I want to be “pretty” but also dresses make me feel really ugly and like fake? I identify as lesbian and I’m scared that if I’m not a girl then it would be faking it or something. I don’t think I’m not not a girl, but I’m not exactly very “girl” anyways. Plus recently I’ve really started relating to mainly boy characters in book, tv shows, etc and I almost always choose a male character when I roleplay with my friends and would have a boy dnd character if I didn’t feel awkward about it.

I dont feel dysphoric but I much prefer wearing baggy clothes and more, for lack of a better word, “boy-ish” styles. I would feel uncomfortable wearing tank tops or short skirts or anything but that also might just be some body image issues. (I’m working on it, ok?) I don’t really have any *issues* with being how I am now, I just want to know if there’s a word for it whatever the FREAKING HELL IS GOING ON. I’m autistic and I know that that doesn’t mean anything by itself however I’ve heard that many autistic people have uhh, something funky in the gender department let’s put it. I really don’t mind if it’s some super niche micro label or xenogender or just some random word you made up yourself, I just want *something* to call it. I probably would only use it online because I would feel kind of awkward using that in person and I have no issue with my current pronouns. I have a pretty wide knowledge of gender identity words and none of them really seem to fit me. Cassgender seemed to come pretty close, but I would love some other’s opinions if anyone reads this entire thing because I kinda brain dumped everything and now it’s way way too long :/

[char]

Hi chonky birb, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I hear you as a non-cisgender autistic person myself; I don't think I fully understood the gender role I was supposed to fulfill as a kid (just as I find it hard to understand unspoken social rules), and I only discovered that I am nonbinary after graduating university. I've used the term demigirl in the past, but then I realized that nonbinary is the most suitable label for now.

I looked up what cassgender stands for, and if you think it's pretty close, then you can definitely use that label! If you'd like a second opinion, I think the broader labels nonbinary and genderqueer can also describe what you feel. For a microlabel, I came across the label quoigender--maybe you've heard of this one when researching labels. But in the end, how you define these labels, and whether you want to use them or not, is up to you. In the future, you can decide to use different words to describe your gender identity, too.

How do all of these sound to you?

(Side note: for readability, I'll be adding line breaks to your post!)