Trying to enjoy sex

[xashx]

Hi I'm pretty new to having sex and I've honestly been struggling to enjoy it. My partner's penis is on the larger side and I've been having difficulty trying to accommodate to it. Is there anything I can do in this situation? I really want to enjoy sex.

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Xashx!

It is very likely that there are things that you and your partner can try so that you can enjoy sex with them more. It might take some trial and error, but we can chat about what that might look like.

I have a few questions to start, just to understand what is happening:

• It sounds like you are having trouble enjoying intercourse with your partner, and I am guessing that this is penis-in-vagina sex. Is that right? Are you trying to have this kind of sex because you want it for yourself, not just your partner?

• Can you tell us more about the difficulty you've noticed? Is there pain, or is it that you are having trouble inserting their penis inside in the first place?

• If there is pain, where is it located? (Towards the back, or at the entrance perhaps?)

• Have you tried insertion with smaller objects, like fingers? Do you have the same difficulties with that?

Intercourse is just one of many pleasurable ways you can have sex with your partner. While we explore possible solutions, if it isn't working for you two right now, intercourse doesn't have to be the focus of what you do together. Are there any other sexual activities that you have been able to enjoy with your partner?

[xashx]

Yes, it is penis-in-vagina sex and yes I do want to enjoy it for myself. I don't have any pain it's just been difficult to insert and I struggle to take it all the way.

[Latha]

Hi there, Xashx!

Thanks for answering those questions! It is good to know that you are not dealing with any pain.

Can you tell us more about the difficulties you've noticed as you try to insert? Is the issue that you two often can't insert the penis inside, or that it takes more time or preparation than you would like? Equally, when you say you struggle to take it all the way: Do you mean that part of your partner's penis is outside your body while you feel like it can't go inside any further, or something else? Detailing the problem will help us identify what could help.

Experimenting with positions can make it easier to accommodate more of your partner's penis, but it is possible for it to be a length that you can't take comfortably. If that is the case, you two can still have pleasurable sex--it may just take some adjustment. If your partner prefers to have sensation at the base of their penis, you two could stimulate the area manually, or use a toy like a depth limiting ring or sleeve. How does that sound to you?

[xashx]

It definitely takes more time and preparation and it does feel like it can't go any further sometimes like it's too tight. What positions would be best to experiment with? I have been meaning to try other ones.

[KierC]

Hey xashx,

When it feels painful and like it can’t go any further, it’s a good time to take a break or lessen the amount you’re trying to insert. Have you tried practicing with just a finger in your own time, with lubrication? Too, do you generally feel aroused and “ready” for insertion when you try it?

[xashx]

Yes, I have put a finger in with and without lubrication and that's been no issue. I definitely make sure I'm aroused and ready before insertion.