A wrench thrown in the works

[LopezMonty]

Cambridge dictionary definition:
to do something that prevents a plan or activity from succeeding.

So. I suppose my “plan”, if there was any, was to be attracted to men and some nonbinary people. I thought I had that figured out.
Then again, I’ve only ever been attracted to fictional men and nonbinary people. I’ve never really experienced attraction to real people.

But then I had to stumble upon a fictional woman that I might be attracted to. The fact that she’s a trans woman only makes this more complicated.

Am I dick sexual? But that doesn’t make any sense. And besides, I’ve been attracted to fictional trans men who don’t have dicks before. So it’s probably not a genital preference.
Is this some weird manifestation of jealousy because I wish I had a dick?
But that doesn’t make any sense either.

My attractions to fictional men and nonbinary people has always been rather diverse. Masculine, feminine, androgynous, I’ve liked it all. I’m more attracted to (and envious of) androgyny more than anything else.
So is this attraction to a fictional woman because I’m attracted to androgyny? But she’s not androgynous; she’s very feminine. The only thing “androgynous” about her is that she has a penis.

I mean, it’s not like this is a real person. Again, I’ve never really liked real people. But I don’t know if my discomfort around real people is a kind of asexuality or if I just have issues that I need to work out.

I’m sorry if this all sounds weird or even fetishizing. I don’t want to sound like that.

[amber]

Hi LopezMonty!

I hear you on the confusion around not being able to fit your sexuality into a neat box. It can feel stressful to not feel like you fully understand. A lot of folks come to the boards with similar feelings.

What I'd challenge you to think about is why any of this is bad. Why does your sexuality need a plan? What is wrong with being attracted to women as well? How would it feel to give yourself some space from trying to understand your sexuality?