Feeling alone while all your friends are dating

[Oliviai88]

Hi!
I just started an account because I have been mastrubating with myself a little bit over the past coupleof years but have gotten more in to it lately. I am just about to turn 19 & I have been kinda lonely. I have ADHD, Anxiety, Alopecia, & chronic shoulder pain which causes depression at times.
I have been noticing that most of my friends are in a relationship with someone & can't hang out because of work, etc. I have a "Boyfriend" who is living overseas but doesn't want to get into anything serious because he cares about me & doesn't want to leave me heartbroken, which is super sweet. He is a super cute, handsome & nice person but he lives overseas where I can't afford to visit him. He only comes back home like once a year because of how expensive it is to fly.

I have been masturbating with my self in a bigger way by fingering which has helped a little bit but I feel like I need something more than just fingering. Both of my parents work from home, can see my credit card info, & I don't have drivers license yet. I can't really ask my parents about it for help because they are very strict about this sort of thing.

I don't know if I just should ask one of friends for help or if I need to order something to help. Please let me know if you have any ideas!

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Olivia88!

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with chronic pain and your mental health, and that you are feeling alone--it is unfortunate that your friends have seemed so busy when you've reached out to them.

It sounds like there are two related issues that you are asking about in your post: first, about your social connections with your friends and boyfriend, and second, about masturbation. We can talk about both.

For the former, I'm wondering how we can best help. Would you like to talk about how to make new friendships, or find ways to reconnect with the friends you've mentioned?

I also want to ask a bit more about your relationship. You've mentioned that this person does not want to get into anything serious. For your part, do you want a serious relationship with him, or are you also thinking of this as a more casual connection?

If this relationship really matters to you, if you think of him as a partner, not being in a serious relationship/being long distance may not reduce the hurt you'll feel if you have to break up. And if that is the case, I fear your 'boyfriend' is not really being sweet or considerate of your feelings when he maintains a casual relationship with you. What do you think?

For your question about masturbation: We have a couple resources about masturbation and pleasure that might give you ideas, since you are looking for more from the sex you are having:

• Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

• With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

• Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

Something to remember is that sex is an activity that involves the whole body and mind. So, if you find that you are focusing primarily on fingering/genital stimulation, you could try to explore other erogenous areas of the body, experiment with stimulation of different speeds/textures/pressures, and explore fantasies.

We also have an article on DIYing sex toys with what you have at home that may be of interest to you. As for your question about how you might purchase one:

• Personal massagers are sold at department stores--if your parents are unlikely to see your purchases, that may be an option.

• If you have the kind of relationship with your friends where you talk about sex, you could ask for them to order and even receive the package for you.

• As I understand, businesses that sell sex toys will often use benign and discreet sounding names for their payment systems, so your purchase would be identifiable as sex-related on your credit card. The best way to confirm that is to check their website or ask a salesperson/customer care what the purchase will show up as.

Do any of these ideas sound viable?