sex drive/libido

[distinctdoll]

so im 19F and i have been concerned for my libido for about a year. i have a bf and he’s great and I don’t think it’s anything to do with him, we’re not sexually active at all but I miss the feeling of “arousal” i guess when im with him. like that butterfly feeling you know? (THAT kind) but I don’t get it so much anymore and it worries me. people say making out and stuff helps but i dont really feel anything. i want to but i always think about how i can’t get fully in the mood in the moment. I’m not on any birth control or meds and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Other girls talk about how they feel this way during ovulation or with their bf in general and I think something‘s wrong with me. I don’t feel anything at all.

[amber]

Hi distinctdoll!

I see you've come here before with similar struggles. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this stress for so long. As we've chatted about in the past, libido and arousal are not universal. That is to say that they are uniquely experienced by individuals but also unique within our own experiences each time.

I am hearing you that you are seeking out change - you miss those feelings you are describing! So here are a few ideas I have,

How has your stress been outside of this area of life? Last time you were here, we spoke a bit about how stress has a major impact on our arousal or libido. Has the stressors you described continued? Have things gotten a bit better? worse?

I also want to point out that what used to 'work' for you may not be what you 'need' in this moment. Have you tried exploring the intimacy that you have with yourself or your partner? Just because something works for others does not mean it is what your body is looking for. Exploring without pressure is a great tool for everyone to do!

You also say you can't get fully in the mood, but I wonder if your expectations for 'arousal' simply don't match your bodies true aroused state. What do you expect when you are fully aroused?

I threw a lot at you so let me know if you'd like to focus in on anything!

[distinctdoll]

yes I did forget I posted here last time. still struggling with the same issues unfortunately. maybe im going into this too fast and overthinking it. im still young after all so i guess hormones can dictate change. i dont really feel to stressed out all the time so im not sure if thats something that got better or not. I just wanna fit in with everyone else, ESPECIALLY the girls that feel that way on their cycles as I dont feel anything

[char]

Hi distinctdoll! I hear you on feeling like missing out on what seems to be a "universal" experience for a lot of young people. Not experiencing what other people feel can make us feel like something's "wrong" with us.

I wonder if you've discussed what you're feeling with your boyfriend. If you have, how was his reaction?