No one ever wants to date me

[Kimctv]

Im 16f (im bi) and no one has ever been interested in me and im tired of hearing that its gonna happen when it happens or that I should focus on myself or something like why do i always see couples at my school and my friends dating I dont even have a life all I do is go to school and study and sleep i feel like a loser. I also get told that people could have a crush on you and not tell you but I doubt it I don't even talk to people and ive been friends with the same people as when i was in grade 7. Everytime i hear about people doing anything sexual it makes me so jealous like thats never gonna happen to me like I have never even held anyones hand what am I supposed to do i just wanna be validated everytime i see my friend's relationship on social media i get reminded of this and go into the same spiral im an only child and this just makes me feel more lonely family love isnt the same as wanting this like in general i feel sad when I dont get attention and stuff like it makes me not want to do the stuff I like doing like writing and drawing because nobody cares about it and this just adds onto it idk overall if i were to sum it up i feel like nobody sees me

[Heather]

Morning, Kimctv.

I think it can be so tough to remember that at 16, you're still so, so new to all of this. Based on almost 30 years of working in sex education, I can tell you that the people you are seeing already in couples at schools are more the exception than the norm, especially in this era. It's a lot more common at your age not to have yet started dating at all, or even had any sexual interactions. I'm sorry that seeing people like those folks at school or a friend in a sexual relationship is so hard for you.

People not having sexual interest in us -- or having it, but not yet expressing it -- doesn't mean no one cares about us or sees us, though. Of course, too, being in a sexual relationship -- or even a romantic one that isn't sexual -- is also often pretty complicated, especially when everyone is young and so new to things. So, when what we really want is attention and validation and company because we're lonely, these kinds of relationships or interactions aren't even necessarily the best kind in the first place (including because there's a whole other person involved who will also have their own needs for us to attend to) even though I very much understand the desire for them.

I don't believe that sexual relationships or interactions will never happen for you because they haven't happened -- and a gentle reminder that people won't always approach us, we will often have to initiate things ourselves -- by the time you're 16. If that was the case for people, very few people who have wound up experiencing plenty of these kinds of relationships or interactions would not have. Statistically speaking, you're still very much behind the curve, I assure you.

But none of this means you have to stay feeling how you're feeling until you find a sexual or romantic partner: lonely, down, jealous, hopeless, invalidated and hungry for care and attention. Would you like to talk about some ways you can address those feelings and work on feeling better?

[Kimctv]

I would like to know some ways thank you

[Kimctv]

Kinda unrelated but idk why im so desperate for validation in general tho like il get 2 likes on a drawing I made and it will make me not wanna do it anymore

[char]

Hi Kimctv! I'd like to add my two cents to the conversation; what I meant could be different from what Heather was talking about, but I hope the additional perspective could be helpful.

One of the things I learned in university (I majored in psychology, for transparency) is that each life stage has a theme that most people in the age group would relate to. In teenagehood/adolescence, the theme is figuring out who you are and who you want to be associated with. So, from that perspective, I'd say that what you're experiencing is far from rare, and it's totally valid. Also, humans are social beings--there's no way we can completely isolate ourselves and sustain our lives on our own.

Whenever you feel invalidated, unworthy of attention, and lonely, it's important that you recognize their existence and sit with them. Why do you want validation from this specific person/people? What words do you want to hear from them? I also agree with Heather on their point of putting yourself out there--not just in terms of making yourself known like posting on socials, but also interacting with others in the way you'd like to be treated. Again, a lot of people your age probably feel the same way as you do.

Lastly, about social media... It can be helpful to remember that what we see online usually doesn't represent the user's entire reality. Most of us have been primed with the idea that social media, especially public-facing ones, should be used for showing the best/idealized parts of our lives. Just because someone looks happy with their partner online, doesn't mean their relationship is all sunshine and rainbows, right?

[Kimctv]

Thanks for your input and yeah idk how to talk to new people with my social anxiety so yeah and even when I do meet new friends its never anything more i guess

Oh yeah and about the validation thing its like i my friends getting alot of likes and compliments that I dont seem to get so thats why