I know this sounds silly but i don’t know if im pregnant

[funnybunny627]

Hello, it’s been 4 months since my last intercourse on june 19th and i feel like ive really developed some type of anxiety loop that ive been stuck in. So on june 19th me and my then boyfriend had protected sex and then the day of or day after i had a really long 10 day period then the month after i didn’t get my period then the month after i got a short 4 day period then the month after i got brown discharge for the days i was supposed to be on my period and now it’s october and ive been getting spotting and brown discharge the entire month like ive been getting brown discharge so much more often and so much more commonly than before. I still haven’t gotten an actual flow with blood clots this month or last month and i’ve been so scared recently. After the 21 day mark i’ve taken a total of 3 pregnancy tests and all three of them came back negative. What’s worse is that i keep seeing the videos online saying that they also had 3 negative tests and they were pregnant and that they were 4 months along and had no bump or no symptoms. I’m really scared and worried i don’t know what to do, I really want reassurance and I really don’t want a baby at such a young age, and other than pregnancy scares i’m trying really hard to cope with the fact that i didn’t want to even have intercourse with that guy in the first place. I have no one to go to and i’m really grateful to just be able to express my worries to the scarleteen community thank you

[Anya]

Hey funnybunny627,

We are here for you. It seems like this situation has really caused you some distress and that is so understandable, but of course also so upsetting to go through. Given what you have described, I would confidently say that you have no risk of pregnancy. First, having protected sex (ie. using a condom, birth control, etc. ) lowers your risk quite a bit, and then taking 3 pregnancy tests already confirms that your preventative measures have worked and you are not pregnant. Now, it's understandable to be slightly cautious about false negatives, which a few have technically happened in the past, but the likelihood of getting a false negative pregnancy test is generally around 1%. This, in combination with your protected sex AND the bleeding/spotting you are experiencing is confirmation to me that you are not pregnant.

A major cause of irregular bleeding in people who are afraid they might be pregnant is actually the psychological stress itself, which can then mentally confirm the worse in your own head. More often than not, increased stress, anxiety, fear can all cause menstrual irregularities meaning it is likely not a sign of pregnancy. If you were pregnant you would very very likely not be bleeding at all, so this would tell me that your risk is extremely low.

How are you feeling about all of this? I know it can be hard to hear this and truly believe it but I encourage you to take a look at some extra resources which may help set your mind at ease.
Pregnancy Scared?
Pregnancy Scare Resources

[funnybunny627]

Thank you so much Ms Anya
just hearing this from you really lifted a weight from my chest i’m feeling a lot better but ohmigosh i know i sound crazy paranoid but what i meant by protected sex was just condoms!! Does that make a crazy difference? Maybe it doesn’t and maybe i’m just too paranoid but either ways thank you so much. Have a happy halloween <3

[Anya]

Hey funnybunny627,

I'm so glad we could help you ease some of this stress. What I meant by "protection" was just to say that any one of these options counts, so using only condoms certainly does count as a preventative measure against conception. The difference in this case is not major so it does not change what I believe to be true for you, regarding pregnancy.

It's understandable to feel paranoid and not let yourself fully relax, but please do look over the resources I sent as they may really help you with this bit.

Have a happy Halloween

[funnybunny627]

Thank you once again
I’ve read the articles and i do feel a little better but i just feel like i wont be able to feel comfortable till i get my period back, i have gotten brown discharge for two months now for september and october and the brown discharge just wont stop, there’s little but it’s like every other day that i get it. How do i get my period back i miss it so bad

[char]

Hey funnybunny627! Happy to hear that Anya's response was helpful. During the first few years of your period, it's typical for your period to be irregular or for the discharge to look different. Stress can also affect our period. As stated in our article about periods:

The impact of stress and how you deal with it can also make you miss a period, including stressing out about a possible pregnancy. If you’re sexually active, you can reduce that stress a lot by using sound birth control and STI⁠ protection, or by not engaging in any kind of sex that you don’t feel safe and secure enough about. And if you were part of something that could have posed a risk of pregnancy, when you can take a pregnancy test.

Does this answer your question?

[funnybunny627]

i think i get it but i still never thought stress could give me like brown discharges for two month in a row. Do i just need to calm down to get my period back? sorry for asking alot

[Latha]

Hi Funnybunny,

There are other factors that could affect your periods, but reducing stress about your periods will help in general and giving yourself time could very well help your cycle go back to normal.

If I may ask, do you have a sense of what normal periods are like for you? You've mentioned having longer and shorter periods and cycles. Is that something that happened before the time you've described to us? And also, when did you start getting periods?

I also want to follow up on something you mentioned earlier--that you did not want to have intercourse when you did. I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to talk a little about what happened?

[funnybunny627]

hello i’ll try my best to describe what a normal period is like for me, basically it would usually last around 5 days and either be light or medium and i don’t know it’s been not always regular but mostly regular, i’ve never had spotting instead of a period and before this i barely had any brown discharge but now it seems to be all i get. I feel like after i started sex it hasn’t really been normal again in the way that like im discovering new forms of it??? I don’t know how to say it sorry but like today in the afternoon i got like discharge where there’s like fresh red blood mixed with like slippery clear discharge then at night it just turned back into thick jelly like brown discharge and this has been happening all month and stuff so i dont even know anymore. Im really worried about my period and i want it back. edit: i started getting my period in like im not sure actually maybe year 7? and now i’m year 11 (okay now i’m a little worried)

About the consent thing i didn’t 100% consent, he invited me over and he asked if he could try rubbing and that he would wear a condom just incase and i agreed because if i said no he would seem not happy or like his mood would feel off so i agreed and then he was rubbing and he inserted it and just started it, i was shocked and i told him to stop and cause i was making noises i guess he thought i liked it so he kept going and in the end i just gave up and when he asked me if i liked it i just nodded because i didn’t want to disappoint him. I sound really stupid but it's fine LMAO.

Something I’m worried about is that if i’m actually pregnant (which deep down in my head i know i’m not pregnant but at the slim chance that i am) i won’t be able to abort it because in my country you can’t abort after 20 weeks and on november 6th is the day that will hit 20 weeks. I genuinely can not have a baby like genuinely so i just want to confirm that im really not, i dialed a hotline in my country on this and i consulted them and they also confirmed that im not pregnant so now i’m trying to move forward and stop stressing about my period so my period can come back but it’s so difficult when it’s all i can think about. I just want reassurance that i’m not pregnant. Thank you for reading all of this and helping me

[Latha]

I sound really stupid but it's fine LMAO

Funnybunny,
You don't sound stupid, and what happened was not fine: You told this guy to stop and he didn't. It sounds like there was already an established dynamic where you didn't feel comfortable saying no to him. And it doesn't sound like what he asked to do (rubbing) was what he ended up doing (insertive sex). Asking whether you liked what happened at the end does not fix it. You don't need to minimize this--what he did was not okay. It sounds to me like it was assault. And I am sorry that it happened.

Can I ask how you would feel thinking of what happened as non-consensual? An do you still interact with this person?

Something I’m worried about is that if i’m actually pregnant (which deep down in my head i know i’m not pregnant but at the slim chance that i am) i won’t be able to abort it because in my country you can’t abort after 20 weeks and on november 6th is the day that will hit 20 weeks.

I can assure you: there is no chance that you are pregnant--a single period would be enough to confirm that, never mind multiple periods and three negative tests.

I appreciate how you've identified the cause of your anxiety--the fact that you could not afford any risk because of restrictive abortion laws where you live. Those are the sorts of conditions that make it hard to believe in what you know because the nightmare consequences just loom so large.

I feel for you. Still, I ask that you try to hold on to the fact that the consequences you fear are fully theoretical: there is no way you could be pregnant with three negative tests.

I don't underestimate how difficult it is to tide over worries like this. Would you look over these articles on self care and anxiety management? They should have some advice that might help with the process.

• Self-Care: A La Carte!

• Self-Care When It's Scary

• Beyond Blue: 10 Anxiety Management Strategies

(okay now i’m a little worried)

I'm sorry my question about regular periods made you concerned! It was not my intention at all. The way your periods are now does not indicate a pregnancy, or an emergency of any kind. It does not require worrying or any immediate action. I was just hoping for some sense of what your baseline is like, to help understand if there are any other factors besides stress that might be causing your continuous spotting/discharge--I imagine it is unideal, and that it would be preferable if it stopped.

Menstrual cycles usually become regular after a couple years of having periods--that is to say, the cycles and periods settle into a roughly consistent pattern of length, though there is always some room for variation. If the pattern of your periods starts being unpredictable, it can help to check in with a doctor. Again, this is not an emergency, not something you have to do immediately--just a general check up. Would you feel up to seeing a gynecologist about this? You wouldn't have to tell them about what happened with the guy if you want to keep that private--it isn't relevant to what is happening with your periods.

[funnybunny627]

Hi Ms Latha thank you so much
I’m genuinely sobbing right now reading your paragraph, i’m feeling so validated and heard i don’t even know how to express my thanks.
To answer your questions
- I’ve thought of it as non consensual and have been thinking of it like that and i’ve just accepted it. I just never really prioritized it because i’ve always been just thinking of the chance i could be pregnant.
-I don’t interact with him anymore i have him blocked on socials, when we were together he was pretty cold and avoidant the lovebombing type and i was super clingy. After a lot of reflecting i probably subconsciously came to the conclusion that whenever we did something sexual he would treat me so much better and become sweet all of a sudden so i basically conditioned myself to sexual things = more love which is silly.
Today i’ve calmed down a bit and i have had no brown spotting, i don’t know if there’s any relevance but i hope that this is the first step of me recovering my period!!! yay! But i’ve also noticed that i’ve been getting a loss of appetite and i started feeling easily irritated today. I feel like im not really my normal self and my bubbliness has just gone out of me LOL.
-About the gynecologist i don’t think i can go unless i tell my mom that i’ve been missing periods cause of stress, i’m a bad liar and i want to go but im scared. My dad is also putting a lot of pressure on me, he doesn’t even know i had a bf let alone had sex. My mom knew i had a bf but she thinks we hadn’t even kissed yet so i have no where to go to.

Right now my only worry is the 20 week mark, when i hear like words or phrases related to not being able to abort i just feel my heart drop and i can feel it starting to beat like crazy but anyways that’s all i really have to say. Thank you so much for helping me if i have any more questions is it okay to ask you?

[mikky]

hey funnybunny,
I'm really glad Latha's words connected with you. I hope we can continue to be a space that is helpful and safe for you <3
It does sound to me like the worries about pregnancy have been both a result of this experience being violating and the restrictions around abortions where you are. It is so hard to feel like we don't have autonomy and control over our bodies, whether that be with a partner or with our ability to access abortion.
I'm glad this person is out of your life, but I also want you to know that you feeling in that relationship that sexual things = more love is NOT silly, it sounds like it was you picking up on the actual patterns that existed. I'm sorry that the dynamic was that love and care was offered as a condition of sexual activities. That just sucks.

Appetite loss and irritation can come up for a lot of reasons- including pre-menstrual ones, puberty ones, or just the general existing as a human ones. Familial pressures and stress and the anxiety you have around this twenty week mark would certainly not help. I'm sorry you've lost your bubbliness though ((

Do you think you could ask your mom if you she could help you find a gynecologist to start seeing regularly? You might mention you've been stressed about your period and just want to have a relationship with a doctor you can ask questions to when they come up.

We are also absolutely here to talk and answer questions.

[funnybunny627]

Hi Ms Mikky
Thank you for replying!! I think my bubbliness is slowly coming back which is yipeee ! But today i’ve gotten this feeling inside my stomach it’s like a warm feeling that glides i’m not sure how to explain this properly but er..imagine your stomach and the belly button is the mark that marks half your stomach, then half the top half of your stomach. That’s where i’m feeling this warm gliding feeling that goes from left to right. EDIT: it’s not all the time but it’s like often ish, it’s also just the entirety top half of my stomach sometimes, it just feels warm

I’m kinda worried it’s some type of pregnancy symptom but again deep down i know im fine but it’s still worrying me a lot and it’s kinda wasting the efforts i took to calm myself down LOL. I asked google and stuff and they said it could be digestive things because after i felt a little gassy but after the gassiness went away i still feel that warm feeling Even as im typing this. I’m a serial overthinker and i’m crazy anxious which is one of my worst qualities but i’ve found out that if i tell myself in a stern voice that im not pregnant i can kind of calm myself down LOLL. But sometimes the warm feeling just trips me up, it’s not even a strong feeling you can feel it but it’s not strong enough to make me stop what i’m doing out of pain or anything. It’s not painful it feels like when you drink a small amount alcohol that type of warm feeling

Other than that i’ve gotten no brown discharge and just thick jelly cream-coloured discharge, kinda gelatinous like and that hasn’t happened in a while. Last time my period came was around the 20th-25th ish of august so right now i’m trying to find out what part of the cycle i’m supposed to be on.
Yesterday i tried to tell my friend about my struggles and they listened but didnt know how to help which was a given LOL. Right now i just want to know what’s going on with myself
Thank you <3

[Heather]

Hi there, funnybunny.

It's time for us to put a limit on any more asks about your pregnancy scare. We know from decades of this work that when someone is having a hard time letting go of a scare, that we don't help them by continuing to engage when they continue not to let go of it. Instead, that only helps that person stay in that scare, something neither of us want. Understand that if you keep asking about it here, we're going to decline to engage with those questions from here on out.

When people get stuck in a scare like this it is very common for them to start paying waaaaaaaaaay more attention to their bodies than they usually do, noticing feelings, sounds or other things that have probably happened with their bodies before but that they just didn't notice. It sounds to me like what you re experiencing is just life inside a human body, where there are all kinds of feelings across all the systems of our body in a day. I strongly suggest you try and stop paying so much attention, that you certainly stop Googling every way you feel (especially since Google is pulling more of its info with AI anymore, so it is often inaccurate or flat out wrong), and I also need to ask you to please not bring this scare here anymore. We need to stop engaging with you with this because it's the best way we can help you. If you can also help yourself by quitting your focus on it you are going to feel a lot better soon, I promise.

In terms of knowing where you are in your cycle, that's not something you can do out of nowhere or instantly. Instead, that's something we can learn over time by charting our menstrual and fertility cycles. There are menstrual tracking apps that can handle the period part of that, but those apps also often falsely claim to be able to deliver accurate information about fertility that they cannot and that often only seems to add to people's anxiety, so my best advice if you want to start knowing what's up with your cycle in a better way -- though that will still take time, often at least a few months of charting -- is to chart your cycles old-school, without an app. You can find out how to do that from us here: https://www.scarleteen.com/about/announ ... mart-chart

You may also find this article helpful when it comes to getting yourself out of this scare, especially since it talks about a few reasons someone may be convinced they are pregnant when they're not that I think are at play with you: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/feeling ... nk-you-are

We are happy to continue to talk with you about other things, including any support or help you need when it comes to healing from the assault that started all of this. It's just the pregnancy scare talk we need to set a limit with. <3