I'm 17 and I think my meds have permanently damaged by libido

[anonymousq]

I have been on prozac since I was 12 years old. I am now 17 and have never felt aroused physically by anything. I feel absolutely nothing from any stimulation, even kissing my partner. Touching my genitals just feels like touching any other part of my body (I am ftm and have been on testosterone for nearly two years, I was on hormone blockers before that so I never developed breasts or had a period, so I am quite comfortable in my body). I have stopped taking my meds for about a month (been just taking them occasionally when I'd remember though probably for the past year or so) and feel completely fine mentally, so I'm planning to stay off them. I don't want to be asexual and think I could enjoy sex if I actually felt anything, but I feel little hope that the effects of the SSRI will undo since I started them so young. I have been trying to masturbate since I was 14, since all of my friends were, but I feel nothing doing it.

Any advice? Or someone who's experienced the same thing from SSRIs and been able to regain their sexuality (especially if they also started pre-puberty)? I just feel so hopeless that I will never get to explore this aspect of my life.

[Heather]

Hi there. And welcome to Scarleteen and the boards. Before I say anything else, I want to say that I do not feel this is hopeless. Our sexualities and our experiences with pleasure are a lifelong thing, and you're still very, very young. It's quite common -- even if it isn't in your friend group -- for people your age to not yet feel like they have a connection to their sexualities or to sexual pleasure. I think you have plenty of time.

So, there is something called post-SSRI sexual dysfunction, and that's a condition where someone has sexual side effects of their SSRI that persist even after stopping the medication. It is much more common for it, when it happens, to last for days, weeks or months, and more rare for it to last years. So, if this is something you might yourself have, it's quite likely it will be temporary. You certainly can talk to your healthcare providers about it if you like, though, and see if they have anything to suggest.

I do not know of anything that supports the idea that this is more likely for people who started SSRIs younger. However, I do think that the fact that you haven't yet had anything that feels like a sexual experience to you can certainly make having or finding those experiences, and connecting to that part of yourself, whatever it may be, more challenging, for sure.

I do think it's worth a talk with a healthcare provider, just to see what they have to say or offer.

Separate from that, my best advice would be to treat this like you were starting for the very first time, and to think about all of this as exploring sexuality and pleasure more than as about exploring just genitals or genital sensation. Sexuality and pleasure are, after all, whole-body, whole-self things, not just about our genitals, and when we treat them as whole body and self, all of our experiences with them and tend to be both a lot more satisfying AND tend to make it easier to find what these things are for us.

So, were I you, I might start by first spending some time -- as in, months -- exploring what pleasure was to me and how I experienced it in my body as a whole, without focusing on whether that pleasure feels sexual or not. I would be exploring how I feel in my whole body and what makes it feel good, what wakes up and excites any or all of my senses, and what feels pleasurable or makes me curious about exploring pleasure in my mind. I'd also focus more, first, on what made me feel sexually curious or excited in my mind before trying to take that to my genitals.

How does all or any of this sound to you?

[anonymousq]

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, this is genuinely super helpful and gives me a little more hope lol

[Heather]

You're welcome. Happy to talk more about any of it anytime. <3