That's a tricky one, because the only way to know if a person is a potentially a good partner for us (or a good friend, for that matter) is to interact with them and see how we get along. But it can also help to know that having those interactions where we get to know people is a skill, and like any...

Hi PomPom, In a previous post, you mentioned you've been seeing a psychologist who suggested you might have a depression diagnosis. If you're still seeing that person, I think it's time to have a more in-depth talk about that diagnosis and what steps you can take to manage it. I say that because wha...

Absolutely. Are you able to tell me if that force was in the course of an assault? Or something else?

This is a really good starting place for anxiety related resources! Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources . Too, if you decide you want to look into more formal support like therapy, we can help you figure out how to start that process. If you could snap your fingers and make it happen, what thi...

If sex isn't appealing at all right now, then I agree that taking a break is a good choice to make. It also gives you the chance to explore other forms of intimacy with your partner, since there are lots of ways of having intimate interactions that have nothing to do with sex (this article goes into...

Got it. If this is something that happens in multiple areas of your life, then it might be worth it to find some resources and support around anxiety, including possibly talking with a therapist; when we have a pattern of overthinking lots of things to the point of paralysis, that can sometimes indi...

Oof, that sounds really exhausting and frustrating! Do you find you're generally prone to overthinking about everything (or nearly everything)? Just in social situations? Or is it a thing that happens to you solely when it comes to dating?

Hi TaylorJames, My recommendations would actually be these two pieces on communicating with your partner and figuring out what activities both people are excited to try and which ones are off limits: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist , Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Tal...

Hi robotgirl210, I want to start by saying that, while it can feel very much like you're "behind" other people when it comes to sex and dating, the reality is that plenty of people reach their twenties without having had any dating experience. In fact, it's such a common occurrence that we...

Hi PomPom, I want to link something Heather talked about above to something I mentioned in a previous conversation you had here on the boards. That is, how about taking the question of what your orientation might be completely out of the equation and focusing instead on if and how you want to procee...

Hi Jax-in-the-box, So, while there are conditions like vaginismus where painful insertion of anything into the vaginal canal is a symptom, right now it sounds more like your friend is having a really common experience, which is that if we're not aroused or relaxed, inserting things into the vaginal ...

Hi 4639449, Thank you for moving this over from text, I do think this a better fit in terms of our direct services as a place to have this conversation! So, while "normal" isn't a super helpful concept when it comes to sex (because our experiences and sexualities are so varied), I will say...

I'm glad you're feeling better and that you felt safe processing this here! And I agree with you; you know yourself and your sexual orientation better than anyone else, and you're the boss of what words you use to describe it!

Hi forzarg, I hear on that worry that if inserting fingers has been painful, a sexual health exam is likely to be as well. It still might be sound to schedule an appointment, both so that you can find out if there is a physical component to the pain, as well as because, since you're sexually active,...

Hi kukiromu, It sounds like this is really stressing you out, but I actually think you answered your own question when you said this: "that label brings me a lot of joy and comfort." What that tells me is that lesbian as an identity is the one that resonates with you, your feelings, and yo...

I'm glad you felt safe confiding in us here! It can absolutely be difficult to even consider talking about this with other people, and you're right that assault within the context of a romantic relationship still isn't treated as legitimate by a lot of people. That being said, you still deserve supp...

You're very welcome!

You know, if you're both having a lot of anxiety around this, then it would be sound to take a step back from sexual activity and only do sexual things where you both feel completely informed on what the risks actually are and comfortable with with the level of risk involved.

Hi Brian, There is not a risk of pregnancy in this scenario. Sperm are fragile and need specific conditions in order to potentially co-create a pregnancy, and they just aren't going to survive the transfer from penis to hand to vagina, let alone if there are more stops along the way or if you wiped ...

Ah, okay, I think I misunderstood, thank you for clarifying. So, it is possible to have a sexual relationship with someone who's your friend. Some people may make that a more casual arrangement (that's what the term "friends with benefits" refers to), while to others having a friend they w...

Hi Mika, I think that would also be a helpful thing to communicate to her if you choose to talk to her about this; that is, that you like being her friend and your friendship is important to you. But I also think that if you feel like your sexual interest in her is fading or isn't that strong, it ma...

Hi Skybushh, I think this goes back to the issue of their being some deeper things around mental health, self-worth, and negative self talk that are best addressed with a therapist. In your sessions with them, have the two of you ever discussed specific things to do or try when you notice negative s...

Hi Azulin, You know, from the sound of it, it seems like masturbation is enjoyable for you even if how your body responds to touch during it is a bit different than you expected it to be. If so, my suggestion would be just to accept that that's how your body reacts, rather than trying to troubleshoo...

Hi blckholesun89, I want to start by saying that, ultimately, you get to be the boss of how you refer to what happened, or to yourself. We're each the expert on our own experiences and our feelings about those experiences, and that includes whether or not we feel ready or comfortable calling them by...

Hi GenuineL, So, the thing to keep in mind with those comments you're hearing from guys is that they're not based in any real understanding of how the vaginal canal actually works . It's a muscle, when we put something inside of it, it constricts to hold what is inside of it. When we remove whatever...

Hi Stone, I'm glad we were able to offer you support, and that you still feel safe overall in your community! One thing I do want to say is that, unfortunately,I think there's a good chance this will be a repeat behavior from him. I say that for a few reasons. One is that he already seems to have a ...