How do I halt my libido?

[Anne-26368]

I am a 16 year old pre-op trans woman (1 year on HRT) with a hyperactive libido, and I am actually going insane.

Ever since my first puberty began masturbation has been a struggle for me.
It's an emotional battle to even start the traditional way without tensing myself up to it before hand, and even after that I still normally end up crying (now that I'm able to, at least) and ALWAYS end up frustrated and hurt.

I've experimented with so many other methods, but I've yet to find anything good enough for me to get anywhere without hurting myself, and given that I'm not enjoying the process in the first place (and never have), getting it over with so my brain can shut up is the main and only goal.

Anal does work, but not on it's own, and given the discomfort and the build up I have to go through to do that (even with the toys I've managed to acquire), it's hard to see that as anything more then the occasional sating a craving for penetration.

I've tried vibrators too, and of the 4 that I own, which have probably added up to over half a thousand dollars by now, none of them have been strong enough to make me feel anything. Even with my best one, I can forget that I have the damn thing ON while using it's highest speeds. What a complete waste of money.

I want to quit on masturbation and sexual pleasure.
I have spent too many years trying to make this work, and I am sick and tired of it.
It has been interrupting my daily life, it has been ruining my self esteem, it has pushed me to such levels of frustration that it has even made me snap at people before - it has been a poison to me.

I will come back to sex and masturbation in a few years when I feel emotionally safe and comfortable, but for now, I need this to stop.
I desperately need this to stop.

Do you know any methods/tricks/advice et cetera to help me stop or lower my sex drive?

Also, so you don't have to ask:

• I'm already looking into hiring a therapist.

• My family is very supportive of my being trans, and my mother even helps me purchase sex toys.

• I don't have a partner and definitely don't plan on having one any time soon.

• I am absolutely planning on having lower surgery (vaginoplasty specifically) when I hit the age requirement.

• My breasts aren't very sensitive - they do have sensitivity, but nowhere near enough for anything practical.

- Anne

[Sofi]

Hi Anne, welcome to the boards! I'm sorry to hear about the frustration your libido is causing, it sounds like a hassle and your sex drive shouldn't be something getting in the way of your daily life. As I'm sure you know, HRT can descrease libido, has it done that for you at all or has it remained the same in the past year as it has since before that?
It also is clear that this is mentally frustrating, perhaps even more so than physically so. It's hard to enjoy sexual pleasure or masturbation when we're in our heads and going into it with low expectations and frustration. I'm glad to hear you will be seeing a therapist who can help you work through this over time, so this isn't such a daunting thing and you can take control of it.
Unfortunately there isn't any specific way to lower libido, therapy is usually recommended but there's not a one-size-fits-all physical cure or treatment for it. There is an advice column on our site for someone who's libido went from low to very high, not everything in it applies to you of course as this is a different person, but some of the advice should be useful, especially towards the end: How to Handle a Libido That Switched from Low to High

[Anne-26368]

Hi Sofi.

Before HRT my libido was already WAY higher then I was comfortable with, but after I started HRT my libido has increased to a point of being completely and utterly insufferable.

Yes, it is mentally frustrating, that is why I want it to stop.

I am not in my own head when it comes to masturbation.

I really should have made this clearer, but I have very extreme gender dysphoria - it hurts more instinctually then anything else.

I have gotten very good at getting out of my head, especially in regards to sexual things, but even without any negative thoughts (or any thoughts at all) being involved it is still too much for me to handle emotionally.

I don't have high exceptions when it comes to masturbation; I don't even aim to feel satisfied afterwords, I just want relief. I masturbate exclusively to stop the nagging urge to do so.

The constant need to masturbate has made it difficult to think, difficult to work, and difficult to focus; it's even made it difficult to control myself emotionally, as I get frustrated at how never ending and overbearing the feeling is.

The only solution that I am aware of is to simply give in to it; which means I have to stop whatever things I'm doing, no matter how important it is, to masturbate... which is often multiple times a day, and even more often so disheartening that I have to take a break to calm down (which normally lasts upwards of an hour).

This complete lack of control I have in regards to masturbation has even brought on feelings of hopelessness and even thoughts of self-harming or occasionally even suicide for me.

I have tried so hard for so long to be a sex positive person, but I can't do this any more.

I have been not at, but past my breaking point for several months now, and I still have no solution for this.

If anything else comes to mind, feel free to say - I'm willing to try almost anything at this point.

- Anne

[Sam W]

Hi Anne,

I'm very glad to hear you're looking into therapy, because given everything you're describing, you're at a point where that may be a key step in managing the distress and frustration your sex drive is causing for you, as well as the fact that it feels like there's nothing that makes the desire lessen. How far into that process are you? Have you been able to find a therapist you'd like to work with?

You may have already tried this, given that you've been struggling with all this for some time, but one of the things we recommend for people who have a strong urge to masturbate but don't want to act on it is to find activities (usually physical activities) that are very engaging and require a lot of energy to do. The idea is to both redirect your focus for long enough for the feeling to fade (or at least lessen to point where it can be ignored) and to complete the pent-up-> release cycle in your body. If you've tried that in the past, how has it gone? And if you were to try it now, can you think of activities you might use?

[Anne-26368]

Hi Sam.

Getting a therapist has been a priority for me recently, but as I want to pick the right one (as my previous therapists haven't worked out), I'm taking the process slow.


I have already tried the exercising trick, but it isn't very practical for me.

The feeling is very stubborn, and I have a very high stamina, so if I try to channel my energy into say, a walk, I'll end up taking two 3-hour walks in a day.

If I try to do jumping jacks, or something a lot more immediately intense like that, I'll end up going until my muscles give in and I collapse to the floor... and I'm still horny, because only an hour of jumping jacks isn't enough for me.

I'm sure it's really good for my fitness to do that instead, but it's either way more time consuming or way more exhausting then masturbating for 15 minutes and crying for, like, two hours.

I am a very busy person - I can't spend half my day working out like that - and either way I'd rather feel wide-awake but mildly depressed then like I'm dying from exhaustion while I'm working...

Sorry.

- Anne

[Emily N]

Hi Anne,

I’m so sorry, it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of pain. I can understand that you want to be careful in your search for a therapist - it can make a world of difference how helpful therapy is if you can connect well with and feel validated by your therapist. But, I’m sorry that it means it will take a longer time before you have access to therapy.

I’m going to be honest that I don’t have any other specific advice on how to halt your libido, but I am happy to listen if you want to talk more about some of the painful feelings you are living with. Do you want to talk more about the “feelings of hopelessness” or other things you are dealing with?

[Anne-26368]

Hi Emily.

I'm going through a lot right now, yeah...

Not that you were assuming anything (more to clarify a vague statement on my part), my therapists and I have broken up because they didn't know how to help me, given how specialized my problems are - my last therapist and I even became pretty close with each other before we mutually decided that we'd done all we could together, and that I needed to start looking for a replacement.

I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable being quite that emotionally vulnerable publicly and to a stranger.
Thank you very much for the offer, though.

Even though you can't help me, it was nice of you to try, so thank you.

- Anne

[Emily N]

Hi Anne,

That's okay, no need to share if it doesn't feel good for you! Feel free to post again if anything else comes up you want to talk about I'm sending warm thoughts and hope you find a therapist that's a good fit soon.