masturbation feels overstimulating, can’t feel pleasure from it

[kitkatk8]

I just bought my first vibrator/rose toy per my pelvic floor therapist, as I have vaginismus and it is recommended to help with dilation. But it just feels overstimulating. I have never been able to feel pleasure yet, soI tried the rose toy in the shower and it just felt kind of odd. I definitely felt something but I wouldn’t describe it as a pleasurable feeling. It just felt like a lot. How can I start to feel pleasure? I have a sex drive but find difficulty physically showing arousal (although I mentally get aroused). I’ve tried using the faucet, playing with my clit, and the toy, and the only thing that makes me feel something is the faucet and rose toy. But it still doesn’t feel “pleasurable”, it just feels a lot and kind of overstimulating. What do I do? I really want to feel pleasure and my pt recommends it, but I haven’t been able to reach that point.

[HannahP]

Hi Kitkat! This is a common issue that many people have when they try to start masturbating. It can be tricky at first to find the sweet spot between it feeling understimulating and overstimulating.

The first thing to know is that you don't need to (and probably shouldn't) try to "push past" any kind of unpleasurable or overstimulating feeling. Masturbation is supposed to feel pleasurable the whole time, and if it's not feeling good, that's often a good sign to back off rather than push forward.

It sounds like you already know that it's important that you're feeling aroused before you try to start touching your vulva. It does sound to me like you're likely using your toy before you're really aroused enough, even if you do feel like you're mentally aroused. To start with, I'd suggest reading this article, which has some great ideas for things you can do before you start masturbating to get into a good frame of mind: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation.

Another thing I'd say is that while a lot of people like suction vibrators like the rose toy, they can be a little trickier for beginners than a regular vibrating toy. One thing that's great about a regular vibrating toy is that you can use it over a layer of fabric, like on the outside of your underwear, which can be great if having it directly against your clit is overstimulating. Here's our article about suction vibrators, How to Play With Toys: Suction Vibrators, and bullet vibrators, How to Play with Toys: Bullet Vibrators, for you to compare. But even if you stick with your rose toy, I'd suggest trying some lubricant as the article mentions. That can help make it more pleasurable and less overstimulating.

[kitkatk8]

Thank you! I will definitely read these articles. The other issue im having is im not even sure what pleasure feels like. So I don’t know what to expect. Currently when I try to use the toys I bought, it feels almost like the urge to pee (im not sure if that is overstimulation or what) & im not sure if thats normal. What is pleasure supposed to “feel like”? Although I know it’s different for everyone.

[kitkatk8]

It feels like a rising/increasing feeling, and it makes my back arch. But it feels like I have to stop (which im assuming is overstimulation. It doesn’t hurt at all, it just feels like this overwhelming feeling that I don’t know how to describe besides that I have to pee. I’m not sure if this is considered the feeling of pleasure as I just don’t imagine it to feel like this.

[amber]

Hi kitkatk8 !

The feeling like you have to pee is actually a common sensation experienced with sexual pleasure. Still I agree with Hannah that you do not need to 'push-through' anything that feels uncomfortable for you.

As Hannah also mentioned, the suction toys can be a little tricky for people new to vibrators. Have you tried using the toy in combination with others forms of touch (like your hands or the faucet)? Switching up the 'intensity' of the touch may help you both feel good but not overwhelmed. Does that make sense?

[kitkatk8]

Hi! I have tried the faucet and a handheld shower head. Once it hits the spot, it feels good but then I reach that point of overstimulation again almost like a jerk reaction where I have to take the pressure off me, as it feels too sensitive to touch anymore. I want to get past that point as my pelvic floor therapist gave me the goal of reaching an orgasm. What do I do? I feel like I’m stuck at an annoying point. I don’t feel anything from my hands (barely) so that’s not an option. I also don’t feel anything from penetration or my breasts. So I don’t know what to do

[Anya]

Hey kitkatk8,

Pelvic floor therapy can be quite helpful for some in setting those goals and acting as a support system to help us find useful tools but I do want to make sure this "goal" reaching isn't doing any harm to your mental/emotional state regarding pressure or any feelings of shame which can be common for people. When there's an aim we can't quite reach yet regarding our bodies it sometimes can cause even more stress or insecurity (ie. exacerbating feelings of "why isn't it happening when i've already tried so hard for so long") so I want to make sure if you're feelings any of that, that you're mentioning it to your pelvic floor therapist and honoring those feelings as valid. There really is no timeline for these things as I'm sure you've been told, but it sure can be frustrating when we want this thing to happen and for some reason it still isn't.

I also want to offer a few additional options regarding the toy which im not sure have been provided to you yet. In terms of sensitivity, there are a few types of buffers you might consider to remove some of the intensity from the toy when you're using it. You might try using it over underwear or pants, put a thin blanket in between your body and the toy; or putting the toy in somethings like a sock. when introducing fibers to sensitive skin you do want to ensure that friction doesn't become a problem like, stop if it hurts, moisturize or air out after if needed, and be gentle and soft with your body. Does the idea of a
"buffer" appeal to you at all? Let me know your thoughts

[Heather]

Hey there, kitkat.

In addition to what Anya offered, can I ask if, before you do this -- or any other kind of genital stimulation -- you're engaging in a LOT of buildup, both in your heads -- like with fantasy -- and also by engaging in some touch of less sensitive parts of your body first, including places like your mons and outer labia? Are you very turned on when you're trying these things, maybe even to the level that you feel very aroused before you even *start* touching your clitoris?

I do also want to say that no one should be making orgasm a goal, and I'm really bummed to see a pelvic PT, of all people (who usually know better), telling a patient to make it one. Something we have known in the study of sex for a very, very long time is that when people intentionally try to have an orgasm -- rather than just exploring sex and touch and letting bodies do whatever they are going to do when it comes to response, focusing on pleasure, NOT orgasm -- it is much, much less likely that person will have one, and also much, much less likely that person will even enjoy what they're doing. I'd strongly suggest you ignore that advice, because it's flatly bad advice. If you feel up to talking with them about it, by all means, go for it, but it's also okay to just ignore this.

Can I ask why you're seeing a pelvic floor PT in the first place? That's pretty unusual for someone your age, so I'm just trying to see if whatever that reason is might have anything to do with the troubles you've been having enjoying yourself sexually.