Boy, girl or neither?

[LumiNosity]

I have been thinking about my gender for a while now. I am currently a boy but I don’t know if I want to stay as one. It’s something that has always been in the back of my mind but only recently have I actually been considering anything.

The way I feel is confusing? I don’t know if I want to be a girl, like I sometimes have these thoughts of what it would be like to have long hair, or nails and what not. And i always seem to end up with a feeling of happiness thinking about it. But at the same time i don’t know it I would want to go as far as being trans. So I eventually decided to start exploring the idea of being non binary and I really like it!

The only issue is don’t know if I could actually do something as big as that and I have all these thoughts on how I. Not unhappy enough with being a boy to justify doing something like that and my own feelings are starting to get overwhelming

I have skipping over a lot of my feelings here to not end up writing a whole novel so their are lot of extra little things in my mind going on.

[char]

Hi LumiNosity! Welcome to the boards; happy to have you here

From one nonbinary individual to another, I'm glad to hear that being nonbinary is something that you've been enjoying! At the same time, I'm sorry to hear that your feelings have also become overwhelming, though.

First off, I'd like to assure you some things related to exploring your gender. The thing with gender exploration, including how you'd identify yourself and how you present yourself to the world, is that the sky's the limit. For one, you can try growing your hair out and getting your nails done however you see yourself fit; it doesn't have to be an exclusively girl thing. There also isn't a "minimal" amount/threshold of discomfort or dysphoria you have to reach for you to change the way you identify and/or present yourself, including transitioning. Another assumption I've sometimes seen in certain spaces (online or in-person) is that nonbinary is only an "in-between" identity for anyone who falls into the transgender umbrella, which is untrue. Being nonbinary can be part of the transgender experience. Do you get what I mean?

When it comes to yourself, what emotions related to your gender identity do you usually feel to the point that it's confusing and overwhelming? Would you like to elaborate on that?

[LumiNosity]

“When it comes to yourself, what emotions related to your gender identity do you usually feel to the point that it's confusing and overwhelming? Would you like to elaborate on that?”

I guess the best way I can describe it is contradictory? Or like I I feel good when thinking about being non binary but at the same time I feel like it’s something that I don’t deserve, or shouldn’t like? It’s really hard to explain.

I think it might help if I explain the main reason I like the idea of being non binary.
I just feel like the label fits me more and I feel happier thinking about myself as non binary. And I don’t feel like boy or girl is truly something that fits me. You know?

“For one, you can try growing your hair out and getting your nails done”

Well, for my Halloween costume I got some fake nails that I didn’t end up using because I didn’t have time to put them on. But it idk I sometimes feeling like putting them on? It’s not the first time I have wanted to do something like that.
There is this other time where I found some little glue gem thingys in the car and I put them on my finger nails (I guess my own kind on panted nail jewellery stuff) and I kinda just felt good? Like a kinda good I have never really felt before. And I ended up showing my mum my fingers and yapping a lot about them even though when I usually do “silly” things I just go haha look. I even ended up showing a picture to one of my friends, something I don’t usually do.
I also sometimes get this feeling of jealousy(?) when I see one of my female friends with their hair tied up, they have really nice like black wavy her and sometimes I can’t help but feel envy.

I know most of this probably doesn’t mean much but I still wanted to share

Btw sorry for yapping

[char]

No worries at all, you don't need to apologize! Nothing wrong with "yapping" here. Thanks for providing more context

I guess the best way I can describe it is contradictory? Or like I I feel good when thinking about being non binary but at the same time I feel like it’s something that I don’t deserve, or shouldn’t like? It’s really hard to explain.

I think it might help if I explain the main reason I like the idea of being non binary.
I just feel like the label fits me more and I feel happier thinking about myself as non binary. And I don’t feel like boy or girl is truly something that fits me. You know?

I feel like this is something many gender-expansive folks experience, because this is something I used to think about too. In theory, I knew there's nothing wrong with being nonbinary, but the environment and the communities around me were (and still are) more fixated on the gender binary. Even among queer people, those whose gender identities fall outside the binary can sometimes be ignored or forgotten. That said, this emphasis on there being only two genders hasn't stopped (and will never, really) stop anyone from being nonbinary, right? When you talked about this feeling that you "don't deserve" to be nonbinary, could you tell if it's something that mostly comes from yourself or from those around you, whether directly or indirectly?

You've also mentioned your mom and friends; how would you describe your relationship with them? Have they talked about queer people, particularly nonbinary and gender-expansive people, before? It sounds like they're generally supportive of you, but I'd like to hear from you.