First time extreme pain

[Cest la vie]

I tried to have sex for my boyfriend for the first time the other day we had been slowly building up to the real thing over time with different foreplay and stuff But as soon as we tried I was in extreme pain. I had expected some pain and discomfort but this was unbearable, we gave up straight away and I burst into tears. I can't think of what to do! I love my boyfriend he's been very patient with me and his main concern has been my comfort, because he's done this before and I have not. We've discussed what we wanted and have been completely safe. I know I definitely want this so why is it so painful? Is it something I just need to push through (though I don't think I could) is there something wrong with me?

[Sam W]

Hi Cest la vie,

Ouch, that sounds like it was unpleasant, although I'm glad to hear that your partner is being supportive. We don't really recommend people try to push through something that's causing them pain, especially something like vaginal intercourse that's ultimately supposed to be pleasurable. It's true that plenty of people experience some pain or discomfort the first time they have vaginal intercourse, because they may be tense of may not have enough lube. You can read more about those possible causes, as well as a few others, in this article: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse . Do any of those possible causes seem like they apply to you?

[Cest la vie]

Thanks sam
The article was helpful in ruling stuff out I know Im clean and we had plenty of lube. Maybe Im not as relaxed as I thought I was that's the only other thing I can think of, any suggestions to fix that?
Thanks

[Heather]

Sure.

What do you usually do for yourself in other situations to relax? Can you do some of those things before or during sex with your partner?

Too, do you have any sense of why you might not be feeling relaxed, aside of because of anticipating pain?

[Cest la vie]

hi heather
honestly no I cant think of any specific reasons I would be anxious.

[Sam W]

If you're having trouble coming up with reasons you might be tense or anxious, one thing you can try is to think about ways that you could feel more relaxed or comfortable in the situation (sometimes thinking about what would make you comfortable can help you spot things that are making you anxious). To echo what Heather asked, are there things that help you relax in non-sexual situations that you could introduce into your sexual interactions?